Today's

Today's Peak: I got to spend part of today with my mom and sister and we demonstrated our interesting conversation style to some of my mom's coworkers (not on purpose, it's just what we do). They said they hadn't believed my mom when she said that we were hard to keep up with when listening. Now they do. We had to break it to them that what they witnessed was tame, they should see us when my aunt is there too.

Today's Pit: I'm in the middle of purging our house of all our junk food. My new policy for 2012 (not resolution, I don't make resolutions) is to not buy junk food with groceries. I'm not swearing off junk food, I just want it to be work to go get it. Then maybe I won't eat it EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Anyway, I'm fighting off the guilt that comes with the fact that my method of purging is to actually eat it. Oh well, it tastes good.

Today's Prayer: For the new year. I'm FINALLY, finally feeling the push to be better again. To eat healthy, to do devotions, to take care of my family. I pray I really CAN.

Today's Praise: I love it when my sister is around. Every day I get to spend time with her is a blessing and I praise God for them.

In a Book

Have you ever seen yourself in a book? It can happen, if your mind is open enough. I saw myself in a book tonight. I saw myself in a character who couldn't see herself in the book within this book. That doesn't even make sense. It's like Inception has invaded my blog post.

It can come up to you on the first page, slap you silly, make you not want to struggle through the rest of the pages. It can make you laugh, to see yourself through another's eyes, finally see some of those interesting quirks you didn't know you had. It can sneak up on you slowly, not even hitting you until the book has been finished for an hour and it's still eating away at you for some unknown reason. Then out of nowhere you know. That was you in those pages. Tonight, it hit me a while after I was done, and it made me sad. And weary.

You see, I know I am like the character in this book. I know I struggle with the things she doesn't even know she struggles with. But this book brought them front and center again, forcing me to confess them again, asking me to clean out those cobwebs again.

And I wonder if I'll ever move past this stage. God nudges me to look, to see where he's brought me so far, and to hear his promise again to keep changing me. But tonight I just feel tired. Like I'll never grow out of these selfish problems I have.

So please, Lord, keep pointing this mirror at my life. Please keep showing me myself and cutting out the parts that don't fit with being your child. I'm tired tonight Lord but I don't want to stop growing.

Four

Today's Peak: I finished my first ever scarf the other day, and wore it for the second time today. I feel so accomplished! Also I got to spend the morning with C at her class's Christmas party. Fun stuff.

Today's Pit: We're struggling with C taking her sweet time about obeying everything we say. She stalls ALL. THE. TIME. Today was no better and I lost my patience. 

Today's Prayer: My friend's mom who has cancer received some serious news the other day and needs some serious prayer. She is looking at a lot more treatment for that.

Today's Praise: Praise God for my husband. For the happiness I feel every day when he comes home. For the fact that we're coming up on 9 years of marriage in a couple months. For the deep love we feel for each other. Just for the fact that God has given me someone so amazing to love. 

Oh, joy.

You know how all women know just how to push each others' buttons and cut right to the heart  with their insults? And you know that blissful part of childhood when little girls don't know how to do that yet? Yeah, my kids are growing out of that.

They've figured out that they can underhanded-compliment, and leave their sister bewildered. They've found out that just plain insults can be more effective than a slugging ever was. I realize now that I wasn't looking forward to this stage, though I never really thought about it specifically. It's a tricky road to navigate. I pray we come out of it relatively unscathed.




Today's Peak: Today was wonderful. I don't think I can pick a peak. I found this little guy:

at my local Barnes and Noble. I love him! He's so cute he makes me smile every time I see him. Then, I completed this project for the first time:

That is an old t-shirt stretched over a canvas-stretcher frame (that's what they're called, canvas-stretcher strips). I have frames to make more for Christmas gifts for my girls. I have to find a suitable shirt for A and then I can complete them tonight I hope. Plus, I got a TON of Christmas shopping and wrapping done today. Today was it's own peak.

Today's Pit: I didn't have a lot of bad stuff happen today. I didn't recognize the little guy I babysit when he came out of his classroom when I picked him up today. Whoops. In my defense, he had on a new coat and a hat pulled way down. *Sheepish grin*

Today's Prayer: The mom of a friend of mine is battling cancer right now and they're having a bit of trouble with her insurance company. Another friend's son is reacting to some medicine he's on, and the reactions he's having are in the 'rare/deadly' range. Sanity and peace and repentance during the holidays, that we might be ready to meet the Messiah.

Today's Praise: Thank the Lord for days like this. For days when I feel like I'm taking good care of my family. For days when my patience abounds and so much gets done. Praise God that these types of days exist.

Sunday

Today's Peak: Playing with my girls at a play land here in a city near us. They have a big warehouse building and they filled the big room with bounce-house style toys. Slides and obstacle courses, all those blow-up style things you see at carnivals and stuff nowadays. I went on every one of them except the 'fighting' ones, where you pick up a jousting stick or huge boxing gloves. I don't care for those and the girls didn't either so we just didn't go on them. Some of those things are tall! And fast! One of them had to have been over a story tall. My stomach jumped every time. Fun stuff! The girls thought it was great when I said I'd go on them with them.

Today's Pit: S was being daring and pushing herself off a bit as she hit the bottom of all the slides. Well, it finally came back to bite her at the very end. She flipped too far and rug-burned the side of her right eye and gave herself a bloody nose. A bad part of it was that I was in the bathroom with C at the time and missed the whole thing. Great.

Today's Prayer: For this Christmas to be a season of repentance for me, that I may get back on the path God has for me rather than going my way and getting 'stuck' in disobedience. That I may truly meet and love Christ in this Christmas season.

Today's Praise: For understanding and flexible family members, as the girls and I had to leave lunch at my in-laws to go to the birthday party. For fun holiday traditions coming up. For plenty that we can feed those who need it in this season and beyond.

Some Days...

Some days, I suck.

Some days, I aim my frustrations at the wrong person.

Some days, I can't hold my tongue, even though they're just little and they're just learning.

Some days I need a lot of forgiveness.

Some days it's a good thing God's mercies are new every morning. 

Some days, I spill egg on my shirt 25 seconds after I put it on in the morning.

Some days, I eat a ton of chocolate though I've promised I'll eat better. 

Some days, I can't stop talking about something even when the other person is done.

Some days, I need a lot of forgiveness.

Some days, even pounding the crap out of the volleyball isn't enough to vent frustration.

Some days I do too much, and don't relate enough. 

Some days the people around me feel under attack though they didn't do anything.

Some days I need a lot of forgiveness. Today was one of THOSE days.

It Starts...

Our first major Christmas stuff started today. We started the day at 9:30 with Sunday school and church. We went straight from there to a city about 25 minutes away to have a Christmas party with my very extended family (Like, MY great-grandparents' kids and their kids and so on. My great grandparents have passed, but it's pretty cool that their kids get together yet).

From there we got home just in time to change clothes and quick head to church. S had to be there 1 hour and 15 minutes early! Thankfully their Sunday school teachers kept them all busy before the service and I didn't have to think of things for them to do.

C and A and the Fireflies doing their songs. 

I didn't get many pictures, just this and one of their class leaving the stage. I got most of it on video. The kids were adorable up there, of course. I love being a part of all that. I love Christmas time.

Today's Peak: Two. Being with extended family and watching the little kids doing their thing on stage. The Pre-K group was adorable, too! And funny. Of course my kid was the one stealing the show. C got too warm during their last song and decided she needed to take off her sweater, which had buttons. So she's up there unbuttoning and then taking off and putting on her sweater! We were all shaking in our seats from laughing so hard at her.

Today's Pit: Stressing a bit about getting to church on time. We had plenty of time but I have a hard time relaxing when we're even one minute late.

Today's Prayer: That I may be more like Joseph. Our sermon this morning was on just how much Joseph really did give up by tying his life to the ruined reputation of Mary and her baby. Amazing. Would I be willing to take that most important thing in MY life and give it all up for God's sake? Challenging.

Today's Praise: The people in our life. We have truly amazing family and friends, and our church family is outstanding.

Great Wolf Lodge

We went with my in-laws to Great Wolf Lodge Wisconsin this past weekend. I absolutely love doing this with them, they decided last year to give us experiences rather than gifts for the adults. They still give the kids gifts on the day we celebrate Christmas but this is so much easier than trying to figure out what to buy a bunch of adults who don't really need anything.

We were gone Thursday night to Sunday afternoon. Hubby and I stayed up late with various people every night, but mostly we were the only ones up so late. Too bad. Almost everyone stayed up late the last night, and it was so much fun I wish we could have done it every night.

I promised myself I'd go on every ride the kids asked me to and I did except for the funnel thing they had. I went on that three times the first day and that was enough for me. The 3-4 story climb and steep drops all the way through were fun but I've recently developed a fear of heights and it didn't like that ride. So I went on everything else. And my girls did every ride there too. Christy was too little to go on the funnel ride so she and I stayed together when the others wanted to go on that.

A being silly after going down a slide. I could not get any pictures of them actually sliding, my camera wasn't fast enough.

C spent a lot of her time here, in the kiddie pool.

More kiddie pool. These slides were a bit slow for her but she went on them a couple times.

S and her uncle finishing up a tube-slide ride.

The girls in front of the decorations in the Grand Lobby.

All of us on the steps up to the loft in our room. Christmas card material for this year. 

We had so much fun. There's no way we could thank mom and dad enough for the trips. I'm so glad they do this for us.

... And Today's

Please don't notice that there was a day in between these ellipsis-ed posts.

Today's Peak: Ordering pizza instead of having to make something for dinner, and then laughing our way through eating it while listening to Christmas music.

Today's Pit: I woke up with the worst cramp in my neck. I actually checked for meningitis it hurt so much. Tylenol and Ibuprofen and I'm feeling much better.

Today's Prayer: That God may open my eyes and I may learn intimately what each member of my family needs and how to love them in their own way.

Today's Praise: That God has blessed us so that I may stay home with our children. I love being able to visit their classrooms, to help their teachers, to be proud of them and how they're learning. I love learning and doing my best to take care of my family. I love growing into the wife and mother that God wants me to be, even if I'm painfully slow at it sometimes.


Now, if it would just snow already! I can't believe it's December 2 with that big beautiful lake we have and we haven't seen any notable snow. Depressing.

Yesterday's...

Today's Peak: Kevin and I stayed up waaay too late because we got lost on Nostalgia Lane. It started with me looking up the awesome a capella group Straight No Chaser, then Hubby looked up another a capella group who used to sing the theme song for the old PBS show, Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego. They're called Rockapella. Well, good old YouTube nicely looks up related videos. Carmen Sandiego was a 90's show, and we spent most of our formative years in the 90's, also known as the era of great cartoons. So we spent the next 2 hours watching theme songs from DuckTales, DarkWing Duck, Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers (did any other 90's girls LONG to be Gadget?), Gummi Bears, and so on. The amazing thing was how many I could sing along with, in spite of it being 16 years since I've seen some of them.

Today's Pit: We stayed up until 11. Not such a good idea anymore when we're both adults with real things to do every day. Especially for Hubby who gets up before 6.

Today's Prayer: For cold and flu season not to hit us any harder than it has. I felt terrible the last two days. Finally feeling better on Wednesday.

Today's Praise: Praise God that I can be involved in Fireflies at church, where I can fulfill my promise to be involved with the teaching of the children of our church. And they're all so darn cute. I'm glad to be a part of it. Praise God that my husband and I love to laugh together and share our evenings with each other.

Peak, Pit, Prayer and Praise

Today I want to try something new. I don't know if I'll worry about having these specific things written down every day, but I sure do like the idea. To write down today's peak, the highest point of the day. Today's pit, the lowest point, not to complain but to work through it and learn from it. The prayers that may have arisen today or are lingering. And today's praises, the things I'm grateful for specifically from this day.


Today's Peak: I went with A's class to a local Nature Center and even learned something new! There exists a coniferous tree that loses its needles in the fall and grows them back in the spring. It's called a Tamarack. I had never heard of such a thing!

Today's Pit: I finally succumbed to the cold that has been chasing me for a couple weeks. I felt so crummy that Kevin jumped in and took care of dinner for me. I managed to get laundry and ironing in during my race against time but took two naps after I was done babysitting and my throat still hurts. Bleah.

Today's Prayers: For patience. I've been short tempered of late. Maybe I'm sick, but I long to no longer hide behind excuses and be much more pleasant to be around.

Today's Praise: For my husband who loves me so. That God's grace is new every morning. Even more blessedly, every minute. That my kids are eager learners and good listeners. I praise God for good times as an extended family, and giggles and screams as I went down water slides with my girls this weekend.

I am so Blessed.

This week we've been embarking on a bit of a spiritual adventure with our children. Our church has just recently decided to come alongside many other Reformed churches and begin to invite our children, who are of an age to understand Jesus' love for them and what Communion means, to partake in Communion before they make their Profession of Faith.

This issue has always rankled me a bit, from when I was very young and attending a CRC church that was very strict about Profession of Faith and Communion. It was a rule at that church that you couldn't take Communion until you had made Profession of Faith, and you couldn't make Profession of Faith until you were 16. I can remember as a small child grating against the unfairness of that rule, and wondering, 'what if I want to make Profession of Faith before I'm 16?'

Well, we had just been thinking ourselves that our children seemed to grasp what Communion was about, and they've known for a long time how much Jesus loves them, and they love to learn about him. The excitement in their voices as they talk about the stories from the Bible they've learned is captivating and humbling.

And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18:3


So we knew. We knew they were thinking about communion and whether they could take it, but we did not know our church's rules off hand about at what age you could participate. It turns out that it was, until very recently, that you could not participate unless you had made your Profession. 


This has changed. And as soon as our church offered the workshop to teach children about the meaning of Communion we signed our kids up. And watching them grasp and understand the deep meanings of Christ's body and blood in their own simple, innocent way was a profound blessing to me. I find myself looking at them and just thanking God that he's given me these three wonderful children, that I may learn again what it is like to have that childlike faith.


So they have been to meet with an elder, who confirmed that they were indeed grasping the truths of partaking in the remembering of what Christ means to us. Unfortunately we will not be in town for the first communion they could be a part of! We are all a bit bummed by this, but we were told there would be another around Christmas time. 


I am so grateful for the blessing of my children. So very grateful. And also for this opportunity to be reminded what a blessing they truly are. 

A Day

Today was a day. I was BUSY. And I actually found myself enjoying it! I think I thrive on the times when it's really hectic. Call me crazy but when I used to work in the flower store and then the card store, my favorite times were Christmas and Valentine's when it was so busy in the stores you could hardly move. I love when stuff is buzzing and people are talking over each other and there are crises to solve. Probably has a lot to do with growing up in my mom's side of the family!

Anyway, I started the day in C's room, which promptly put me in a good mood because there were three adults there to help 26 kids get turkey hats made for their Thanksgiving celebration within 20 minutes. We did it!

Then I got to go shopping with my mom. I had money from the girls' Great-Grandma to do her shopping for them for Christmas, and a bit of money to get myself some jeans. I went looking for jeans that had pockets that would flippin' fit a phone inside of them, for crying out loud! I finally found a pair that not only had that but are long enough to shrink a bit in the wash if they have to, they are an excellent shade of blue, and they look good. Bonus again.

Then off to A's class where I stapled ("you're stapling again?!" A asked me incredulously. Get used to it, kid. That's why I'm here.), and sorted report cards, sharpened pencils, and made copies. I also got to see the Turkey Bowl, a team of kids against the teachers, which the whole school troops out to watch. So I got to see S, too. Teachers won, 16 touchdowns to 14, in case you were wondering. It's a bit of a truncated version of football, hence the funny score.

We finished up there and when we got home the girls enthusiastically unpacked everything from their backpacks so they can use them for our road trip to Great Wolf Lodge in less than a week, while I made lasagna.

Supper (with a welcome glass of wine), dishes, reading with A, then some reading of my own (I'm on my 3rd time through the Harry Potter series), and finally writing, after an initial misfire when my computer posted just the title of my post for some reason. So apologies for the empty post a few minutes ago.

That's a day. I love 'em that full. I'm thankful to be able to do that kind of thing for my kids and with my mom. Today was a GREAT day!

Clear!

My scans were clear. The doctor asked me how I was feeling after she told me they looked good and I was like, 'I feel good, now!' I was so very nervous going in. I wonder if that ever goes away? I don't think so. I've heard that former cancer patients feel like every ache or odd thing their body does, they think it's their cancer coming back. Boy do I experience that. Especially right before scans and between having them and getting their results.

I figured out last night why exactly it was so tense for me. My radiation treatments finished a little more than 2 1/2 months ago. The last time I had scans 2 1/2 years after my treatments ended they told me it was back. I was so incredibly relieved yesterday.

It's interesting to actually take those scan results home and read them myself. The chemo and radiation had quite an effect on my insides. There is scarring in the center of my chest where the chemo killed the fast growing cancer, and then where the radiation killed everything in there they shot it at. There's a place in my left lung that is scarred from radiation. Maybe that explains why no matter how far I can run I still get winded walking up staircases... The bone marrow inside the bones in the center of my chest is diminished due to radiation.

As good as I feel there's such an effect in there! Crazy. And I do. I feel so good. I'm so glad those scans confirmed that. So very glad. Praise God.

It's the Little Things

It's in the little things. Thinking on the little things is when fights start or hearts warm. In our marriage I notice that if I let myself get going on the little things that bug me, I get quickly into a very sour mood and spend the day grumping at my husband and everyone else. But if I think on the positive little things, the things that drew me to my husband, that caused me to fall in love with him in the first place, my day feels so much better, I am much sunnier toward my husband and even my kids. So maybe the little things aren't so little after all.

Some 'little' things

The way he makes sure to hug or kiss me almost every time we pass each other.

When he kisses my hand after we pray together.

The way we enjoy the quiet together after the kids are in bed.

The fact that we enjoy most of the same shows.

Him knowing my favorite flower and buying it for me when he can.

The fact that he jumps in and does dishes when the day is beating me down.

The way he looks at me over his glasses.

His artistic hobbies: woodworking, painting, knots/braiding.

His laugh.

His lop-sided grin.

The way he twitches his nose when he's concentrating.

How good I feel when we're together.

Us having a 'usual' at our favorite restaurant.

That ring on the 3rd finger of his left hand.

The ring he got me for the 3rd finger of mine.

Sharing funny or poignant things from websites as we unwind together.

So many things. I'm so thankful for my husband. 

Together, We Are Holy

That's what they call it, 'Holy Matrimony.' And everyone's heard those words so many times that maybe they've lost their meaning a bit. But it's true. The act of man and woman leaving mother and father and wedding and living and loving... It's holy. It's designed by God to be an example to the world for how he loves us all.

God is no stranger to covenant. He invented it, arranged it as the way to populate his world. He is the God of the covenant, after all. He promised Abraham descendants to populate the entire earth and then made all Christians Abraham's descendants through Christ's sacrifice. He planned for this promise, this covenant we live day to day, to be a holy union in his sight. Matrimony is holy.

We lose sight of this. It is hard to grasp in the day in day out that this union that we've made is Holy in God's eyes. We have our tight spots, our things we bicker over. There's the shirts that didn't get ironed and the lawn that didn't get mowed.

But working at it, keeping our promises, even the little ones, giving 100% to the other person, always putting their needs ahead of our own, these things make it holy. Day by day. Jesus called us to be holy as he is holy. There's no way to do this in our world except to beg forgiveness and then discipline to try again. To get better and better.

I was thunderstruck when this thought hit me the first time months ago. Can you believe it? 8 years married and I had never truly considered that the phrase 'Holy Matrimony' means just that. Joined together in a union that is actually holy to God. Amazing.

Colossians 3:23

What I wrote on July 8, 2009

Some days God just reaches down and smacks me upside the head with something. Today I was laying on my bed, not really needing a nap but just being lazy. I was reading in a book, and the author made a point using that verse.


"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men." Colossians 3:23, NIV


I don't even remember what the point was that the author made, but that short line jumped off the page and smacked me upside the head. I don't always conduct my days as if I'm working for God. Today was one of those days. As I lay in bed, not really needing the nap, there were dirty dishes on the cupboard and a nearly full dishwasher that I should already have run. There were un-ironed shirts that I had been putting off since Monday. There was a litter box that needed emptying. And here I was, with no real reason to put those things off, but doing it anyway. God went 'hey! Get off your butt and go do those things!' Okay, maybe I'm taking a little liberty with that. But it's definitely what I said to myself after he nudged me! :D

Are you kidding me? Some times it seems like two steps forward, three steps back. 

Two years and I'm still struggling with this. Sheesh.

Sorry, just a little kick in the rear for myself today. Seriously. *eye roll*

Ugh.

I hate cold and flu season. Ever since I was really and truly sick 3 years ago my body does not handle this season well. The tiniest little thing makes my limbs all achy, my throat gets sore, my face feels feverish even if it is not, my eyelids get all droopy and I feel like I could sleep all day.

This time there was the added bonus of going to volunteer in C's class. The class that sent a kid home TODAY. While I was there. With pinkeye. Lovely. I was careful not to touch his hands while I was talking to him! I hope C or I did not bring this wonderful sickness home with us, now.

Blessedly this does not happen to any of us very often. But when it hits, it tends to be a doozy. 

Actually I'm just glad it waited until after my PET scan. We'll see if my body was already fighting it off yesterday; that tends to make scans glow and that would mean I'd have to have another scan. Double ugh.

Settling In

So I finally have a routine. Mondays are a free day, I've been lagging in the housework department but I hope I'll get my rear in gear soon. C has her dance class in the afternoon and my mom gets the other two off the bus. It makes for a rushed afternoon as I get home to their homework and have to make dinner, but it's better than having two dance classes on Saturday, that's for sure!

Tuesdays I babysit in the afternoons and that is a laundry day. For some reason doing laundry really motivates me to do other things so Tuesdays usually end up being really accomplished. Tuesdays have ended up being either really relaxed in the evening or really rushed. Having the kids at two different schools means that when they schedule school meetings for Tuesday night (which they often do), we end up running all over the place.

Wednesday I either have free because Christy's at school (and then I'm there from 2-3:30, so not entirely free), or she's home and housework gets done. Soon it'll be a lot of Christmas shopping! Then Wednesday night is stuff at church. A and C are in the Fireflies group, which I do the snacks for, and S is in GEMS. They all love it so much.

Thursdays are grocery day which is a full day's work, or at least it feels like it with how tired I end up. Then Thursday night is volleyball, which is usually wonderful but some nights frustrating. It was the latter tonight, that's for sure!

Fridays I spend at everyone's classrooms (or I do when S's class needs me which isn't always). This means I have a small amount of time to run errands but not much. Sometimes this leaves me feeling very tired without feeling like I did anything! But the teachers seem to like that I'm there so that's good.

Saturdays are A's dance class and another laundry day. Plus with everyone home we get some cleaning and household improvement things done. I'm excited for snow now too because that means snowmen and sledding. The girls are getting old enough to take them to the really good hills so I can't wait for winter this year.

The girls are ready! :D

October Revolution

So I was listening to the radio today and they were talking about Russia's October Revolution, which is celebrated today. They were making jokes about it, about how Russia was backwards enough as a superpower that it didn't celebrate its holidays until the next month! It was pretty amusing (though it's an old-calendar vs. new-calendar thing). But it made me think of myself. Why, you ask? Because here it is November 7th and I haven't posted pictures of the girls in their Halloween costumes! Oops. Here they are.

We had a blue and red Supergirl, a pink and silver Supergirl, and a Pirate!

A vampire pumpkin, a vampire BAT pumpkin, and a pirate pumpkin!

On My Heart Today...

... is 'our' little guy, Simon. We sponsor him through Compassion International now. He is 4, he'll be 5 on November 22.

He's already broadened our worldview, helping to remind Hubby and I that we are beyond blessed to have everything we have, getting our kids interested in and caring about the fact that there are countries and cultures outside our own, and reminding us all that life is not guaranteed to always be safe and warm and healthy.

I'm learning to write to him. How do you write coherently to a four year old you've never met? It's kind of fun to explain things like snow and falling leaves to someone who lives near the equator. Probably a bit of what I say gets lost in translation but this is truly a situation where it's the thought that counts.

I'm already so proud of how the girls have embraced Simon. They get an allowance and we've set out a jar for them to make donations to Simon so we can get him special gifts throughout the year. I went to send his birthday gift just a couple weeks after we had started to sponsor him and there was already $7 in the jar from them. I took that out and sent the gift and now there's more in there already again. We've only been sponsoring him a month! They pray for him at meal times and bed times and ask about him through the day, asking what his life is like in relation to what theirs are like. They've blown me away with their generosity.

Welcome to our family, Simon. We're so happy we can help you and pray for you and your family. I wonder if you'll know this side of heaven how you've blessed us right back? I hope so.

Just do it.

So it's NaNoWriMo. And while I'm definitely no novel writer at this stage in my life, I've always admired those who do and I've LOVED the idea of NaNoWriMo ever since I first heard about it.

I was reading a blog post the other day about the benefits of writing, even if you're not writing a novel. It can open up other creativity, allow you to get your thoughts on 'paper' so to speak (I plan on writing on here and in my paper journal), and just be an all-around stress reliever. I've noticed that in the past it helps me clear my head to write things down. Also, if I have something important to say to someone I'd much rather write it out, as my thoughts are more coherent that way. Maybe I also like that I can't be interrupted when the person has to read through an entire page before they get to respond! :) I don't do that that often (nor do I have conflicts that require if with any frequency), so if you're friends with me don't fret. I won't start writing letters for every little misunderstanding I ever run into.

Heh, the rambling of this post could betray me as not all that coherent in the written word after all.

Anyway, all that to say that I love the idea of disciplining myself to write for a month. Maybe it'll lead to a habit of writing and thus less stress from keeping things bottled up inside. I've even added it as a to-do item on my daily list. I'm 2 for 3 so far as I already skipped yesterday! But with grace for myself on those days I think I can do this cheerfully, without it seeming like a chore.

My Dear Husband,

Thank you.

Thank you for kissing and cuddling me goodbye every morning so I fall in love with you all over again. 

Thank you for inspiring me to take care of our home and children.

Thank you for understanding me on days when the going's been tough.

Thank you for loving me, my highs, my lows.

Thank you for loving our children in their highs and being patient in their lows.

Thank you for putting up with my spontaneity even when it creates more work for you.

Thank you for working your hardest for us every day, for putting your loved ones first and demonstrating sacrifice to us.

Thank you for being the spiritual leader for our family.

Thank you for, in eight short years of marriage, already sticking with me for better or worse, in sickness and health, in richer and poorer times. 

Thank you for being you. I can't believe I'm so blessed as to get to be married to you. I love you.

A gentle nudge

I've been letting a couple things slip. Between the four people I make lunches for, having one home part time yet, wanting to get the girls out the door with real food in their bellies, keeping the house clean, one girl bringing home a fund raiser already (and it's due this week!) and three more coming home soon, one kid already having her pictures taken and the other two next week, finishing training for our 1/2 marathon in a week and a half, learning and planning new stuff for fireflies, and trying to figure out when I'll volunteer in the girls' classrooms... Some of my soft skills are slipping.

Tonight I wanted to get dinner on the table by 5, as that was when Hubby was getting home and he had to turn around and leave again for a meeting. A noble enough goal, no doubt about that. The problem was that I've let my to-do list stress me out and I was C-R-A-B-B-Y.

So he may have gotten his dinner, but it wasn't terribly enjoyable.

This is the kind of thing I've let slip (again- but that's not {totally} my point). I'm impatient with the kids and grumpy around my husband.

I need to work on this. As often happens lately, a blog I follow sent out an entry that spoke directly to me. It started out with this verse:

"A continual dripping on a very rainy day

And a contentious woman are alike."

Proverbs 27:15

Ouch. That one hit a nerve. The blog writer continues: 

"In the same way that a leaky faucet can cause permanent damage,

our words if left unchecked can damage our relationships and cause resentment to grow."

Then she goes on to make some suggestions. I do have a passion to read advice for my marriage and I was thrilled to get this email, though it did strike that nerve hard. This list is good. 

1. Listen to what he has to say so that you will recognize what's on his heart.

2. Make an effort to be as cheerful as you were when you were engaged to be married. {Oy.}

3. Ignore his faults and focus on his strong points by taking note of them.

4. Compliment him for the way he looks and the good things he does like working hard for the family.

5. See him for who he is, not who you want him to be.

6. Be slow to anger. Relay your frustration with love, respect, and a cool head. 

I have let this slip. My to-do list should not be more important to me than the hearts and souls of those I love. 

So, here I go. I'm going to do #3 right now. Here are some of my Hubby's strong points. 

1. He loves me more that I think I even know. This man would do anything for me and he makes that clear to me. 

2. He is wonderfully good looking.

3. He loves his daughters fiercely and is willing to be silly with them.

4. He works ~so~ very hard to bring home a paycheck for us.

5. He actually finds me funny, thank goodness.
6. He is funny! And at ease around people.
7. He is creative. Right now he is deeply involved in finding a job to fit his creative passions and I'm praying he finds it.

I love my husband so. I'm working on making that clear more and more often. My children are included in this too! I'm hoping working on this attitude will flow into all areas of my life. Firstly with my husband, then onto my kids and everyone I meet. 

"How does that feel?"

"Weird, I tell ya, just weird."

That's a question and answer I've taken part in no less than 10 times over the last week. I've been a stay at home mom for over 6 1/2 years (holy cow! I'd forgotten how long it's been!) and I'm rarely seen without at least one tag-along. So as I've been running errands this week, (of course) on the days when I have no one to take with me, I've gotten that question a lot. "What's that like?" "How's that going?"

My answer of, "it's weird" is really the only answer I have right now. I'm not sure if I like it. I'm not sure, still, what I'll be doing with all my free time. I went shopping both days this week, for groceries and upcoming birthdays, but I obviously can't do that all the time. I've got an idea for an etsy shop rolling around in my head. I babysit. And really, I have C home 1/2 time still and all three of them on holidays, so working would be tough as daycare is expensive and so on and so forth. So I'm a week in and it's still weird. I have not yet found my new groove.

I believe motherhood is a high calling and up until now have had no qualms about staying at home. I had kids all day, every day, plenty to do keeping the house manageable, and all our activities to manage and get us all to. Recent events, however, have me questioning whether it's worth it for me to stay home. Should I be contributing in some way? Now, I don't have the kids home full time. Will everything else and going to volunteer at their schools keep me busy? Should I volunteer with some non-profits? Could I do enough with selling handmade things to do us any good? Should I be considering a part-time job? (*shudder*) All so confusing.

So I'm praying now that my path would be clear. I'm not sure it ever has been in the past, but maybe it will be this time. heh.

Thanks

Your prayers are so appreciated. Hubby started a contract job again Tuesday (it was a big day of firsts!). We have insurance, and he's paid well. We are so well taken care of, God is SO good.

If you'd like, we'd love if you'd continue to pray. There's nothing guaranteed about contract work. He would love to find a permanent position sometime soon. He has resumes out there. So do a lot of people!

Again, just, thanks. We feel blessed.

Their first day back (and C's very first day!).

I wonder what you're doing right now,

And if everyone is treating you kind.

I hope there is a special person,

A nice friend that you can find.

I wonder if the teacher knows

Just how special you are to me.

And if the brightness of your heart

Is something she can see.

I wonder if you are thinking about me,

And if you need a hug.

I already miss the sound of your voice

And how you give my leg a tug.

 I wonder if you could possibly understand

How hard it is to let you grow.

On this day know that my heart breaks,

For this is the first step in letting my baby go.

~My apologies for not knowing the author of the poem. I'd credit them if I knew.

My heartfelt thanks goes out to the author for expressing exactly how I feel about my baby's first day of school (and, truly, about all three of their first days back. I can't believe summer is gone already!).

I can't believe they've grown so. Slow down, time!

{Pray, Please.}

If anyone still follows this, please pray for us. Hubby is looking for work again, for the second time in a year. We were completely blindsided by this, last time we had a safety net, this time we do not. We are confused and scared and trying to hold on to God in a very rocky situation.

Thanks.

Geesh.

Well, I've tried this twice now. Third time's a charm right? I want to make this publish tomorrow, but the first time instead of editing the time it would show up I just hit publish. Then I tried to take it down but it won't let you just remove it from the page, you have to delete the whole thing. You'll notice that if you go to the site that post is gone all together, if you have an RSS feed or something. I wanted to repost it but messed up. I tried copy and paste but that just ticked me off and I deleted the whole thing. So here we go again. Pictures of more, non-dance things we did this summer. Again. Sorry. If this posts yet tonight, chalk it up to my allergies and just delete it.

Hopefully many more to come. I love looking back on my blog posts and I want to have them up! I don't have pics of them playing in their new blow-up kiddie pool, or of A as she uses her new-found biking and swimming skills, or anything! Sheesh.

First a gentleman who owns a reptile sanctuary in our state came to our library and all three girls got to hold a young alligator for a bit. That was pretty cool.

C thought it was pretty cool!

S apparently looked mature enough for the guy to take the rubber band off the alligator's mouth. I thought that was pretty neat that he did that for her. 

A would have held the alligator all day if I'd have let her. 

We've spent some time at the big lake. My grandparents camp there and it makes for an easy and free thing to do sometimes. I hope to go a couple more times as they'll be out there for the couple weeks leading up to labor day.

These three were a normal day on the lake. Nice waves and sunshine!

This one, the waves were eerily calm and it was cool and foggy. I can't remember the last time I saw the lake that way in the middle of the afternoon. In the lifejacket is my (yes, my) 3 year old cousin.

The girls have even been very helpful all summer. One Saturday we got up and they had done the dishes already. Then the same day they cleaned their room, the playroom, and helped me in the kitchen and the bathrooms. Amazing.

She's helping me clean the slider. I just love the look on her face and her hair swirling all around in the wind. 

So, those are what I have from the rest of the summer. I've got to start carrying my camera in my pocket...

And then there were three...

...weeks until school starts! I cannot believe it. We jammed this summer so full of classes and camps and swimming at Grandparents' houses that we are three weeks from the end of summer break. I wanted to bring my little blog up to speed picture wise.

We have two little dancers in our family now and they danced like crazy this summer! Both A and C were in two camps/classes (A's is still going) and they LOVED them. Want proof?

C in her cute little 4 and 5 year old dance camp. They even learned a little dance over the course of only 2 weeks! She worked hard to earn her cute certificate.

A in her camp; obviously, even in pictures, they're a little more advanced. They learned a dance to an entire song in the 2 weeks! Pretty impressive. She got her certificate with smiles, too. Many thanks to their instructor! She does a great job and has endless patience with these tiny dancers. 

Quite a bit of our summer has been taken up with these camps. S has had a lot of patience putting up with sitting through classes! Good thing I rewarded everyone with donuts from the bakery every so often! This summer has gone so well. I'm thankful for health and all this time to hang out with my girls! 

Don't worry, we didn't just dance, and I did manage to get more pics but this one's long already, so later.