Our Engagement

No, I'm not talking about my engagement with my husband. I'm talking about the engagement that we, as Christians, have with our Savior and Suitor, Jesus.

First, some background about how I came to think about this, as it is kind of obscure. First, and this just hit me, I've been asking God to draw me back to himself, as lately I've been feeling really withdrawn from Him. This has been quite evidenced in my attitude and temper toward my children. I've been struggling with patience and wanting to play with/teach them. I hate being crabby and don't want to be, so I've been praying that God will draw me in again.

Anyway, that was off-topic, but I believe it's part of the reason why I was led to the blog that I got this idea from. So I was invited to join a facebook group called A Beauty Glorious. They describe themselves as "a place for teen girls - although anyone is welcome - where we can talk about what it means to be young women and daughters of God." While I am certainly not a teen girl anymore, I have been grappling with what it means for me to be God's child... how I'm supposed to treat my husband, my kids, my family, my world. It seemed like it would be a good place to get some insights into it.

The group was created by a girl named Caitlyn. I met her on Ted Dekker's website, though I cannot for the life of me remember what her screen name was on there. She also keeps a blog, also called A Beauty Glorious. And the things she writes about are incredible. I've read through a few posts, and everything on there is just striking. Some things I've been adjusting, as I am already married, and she speaks of dating. But there are things about keeping one's mind pure that ring true for everyone, no matter your age or marital status.

Anyway, I'm off-track again. But it is a good blog, so excuse my excitement. ;) So here's the thing I was all excited about. She pointed out in one of her recent posts, that "We are Jesus’ bride! The King of heaven and earth has chosen us, courted us, and proposed. For those of us who have accepted, a beautiful wedding beyond imagination and blissful unity for all eternity await us." This is beyond beautiful to me. Seriously, the man of everyone's dreams, who can see the intense beauty that He Himself created in us, is waiting for the day when we will wed for eternity. Incredible.

And then this hit me, too. Not only is there a wedding coming up, but this time on Earth, between the day we accepted Him as our Savior, until the day we see Heaven (whether that be at the end of our life or the end of the world), is our engagement time. This is the time when we must prepare for our wedding day. Just like a bride on earth spend the weeks or months or years before her earthly wedding planning and buying and scheduling, so we also should be spending our time storing up our heavenly treasures.

Personally, this means many things. This means setting aside time every day away from the computer, the iPod, the TV to spend time being washed in Him and His word to me. This means finding ways I am not currently letting Jesus live in and shine out of me, and changing that with His help. This means respecting my husband for the man he is and the man God is making him. This means helping my husband in the way God has called me to. Things like laundry and dinner and cleaning. The things that keep this house working so he can peacefully and easily keep the money coming in.

This means treating my kids with kindness, without sarcasm, with respect. This means spending time each day making sure they're learning not just book smarts, but how to interact with other people, how to respect their elders, how to love their Savior. This also means being kind to those beyond my family. Keeping sarcasm out of my voice. Treating the cashier at the grocery store with kindness and respect.

Beyond that, it means treating those in need with the respect that them being a beloved child of God demands. We had a guest pastor this week and he pointed out that beyond who they are as a human, Jesus has said that when we treat them in any way we treat Him that way. We need to see Jesus' face in the face of those in need. We need to do everything we can to help those who need it.

All these things are things I can hear God calling me to do to prepare my heart for the day we will wed in paradise. Probably that all means something different to you. But I pray I will not waste my engagement to my Prince.

Why?

Some good friends of mine collaborated with a young singer on a song that has just bowled me over. Right now, I don't know if there's any way to link to it anywhere, but at least I can put on the lyrics. They are simply beautiful.

"Why"
Words: Naomi Talbot
Music: Gregg Hart
Sung by Aleena Korrell

Why are you so beautiful
hanging from a tree?
Why does the sight of your scars
make my heart beat a little bit faster?
Why does your ragged breathing
take my breath away?
Why do I love you
seeing you this way?

Why is the voice I've never heard
music to my ears?
Why are the eyes I've never seen
the ones I could stare at forever?
Why is the face that's streaked with blood
the one I long to touch?
Why do I love you,
love you so much?

Heart of my heart,
beauty I was made for,
love that's to die for,
you are the one I live for

Why do I wish I'd been there
in Gethsemane?
Why do I want to wipe away
the blood-sweat from your brow?
Why did I cry when you died?
I wasn't there to see
And when you called Mary's name
Why do I wish it had been me?

Heart of my heart,
beauty I was made for,
love that's to die for,
you are the one I live for

Why am I so homesick?
I've never seen your home
Why do I always miss you
when we've never even met?
Why did you want to come here
and steal my heart away?
Why can't I be with you
can't I be with you today?

Why is the name "Jesus"
the only one that stills my heart?
Why do your arms around me
make my fears all fade away?
Why do you have to love me?
you know I'm not that good
And when I say I love you,
why can't I love you as I should?

Heart of my heart,
beauty I was made for,
love that's to die for,
you are the one I live for

Why is the voice that calmed the sea
the one that calls my name?
Why do the eyes that see the world
search me out within?
Why is the face I dare not see
the one I long to touch?
Why do I love you?
I love you so much

A- Our Dancer (Maybe)

I know there's no way to be sure YET that my 5-year-old is a good dancer. But she sure is enthusiastic about it. She asks nearly every day if she has dance that day. She came home the other day and knew how to properly do and pronounce a plié. She loves to imitate dancers she sees and when there are dancers in church, she is transfixed for the entire dance. It is adorable to watch, that is for sure. 

See her there? She's all in black, in the glasses and white headband, just behind the little girl in the turquoise tutu. I'm sorry this pic is bad, but parents aren't allowed in the room. This one is through the window in the door. I'll post better ones soon, at the latest after her show at the end of the class. 

Her teacher is funny, too. She clearly believes that dance is a very serious subject, never to be messed with or joked about, ever. She's very strict. She also does not seem to be very good with kids on an individual basis. She does do a great job with the class as a whole, but outside of class, she's just, well, interesting. A, who is a very friendly little thing, waves to her teacher every time she sees her. The teacher always gives her this look like she has no idea why anyone would do such a thing, and a half-hearted wave. It's very interesting. But DURING class, that strictness is a good thing. A needs to know that there is a time to be serious about learning. That will help her in the future, especially in dance, and when she gets to Kindergarten.


On the other hand, if she ever got sick of her lessons, we would let her quit, I've never wanted to force my kids to do anything. But if she stays enthusiastic about it, maybe she'll really grow to love it. That would be pretty awesome for me. I've always sort of regretted not taking dance lessons when I was young. I could live vicariously through her! Haha! 

Of course I'm kidding, but I'm starting to see the beginnings of what it feels like to watch one's children learn a skill that they're passionate about. That's a pretty cool thing. I'm seen it some in how much S soaks up information about the sports she plays, too. It's just so neat to see them advancing past the walking, talking stage in to being excited about something new to explore beyond the walls of the 'nest' if you will.

Tooth Fairy Time!

Our middle child has her first loose teeth. She went to the dentist today and they let me know they were loose when they brought her back out. I don't think she even knew they were loose! Of course, this means that I'll need to start stocking up on my quarters. Our kids get 50 cents a tooth. I've heard so many amounts for lost teeth. What do you think? What do/did/will your children get for their teeth? Or nothing? Maybe the whole tooth fairy thing offends some people, just like Santa does.

I've been thinking a lot lately about how my 5 year old doesn't SEEM 5 to me. I think I've figured out why. No matter how old she gets, she has an older sister, so she's always younger. She's hitting the same milestones at all the same ages (roughly, of course) as her sister did. But she feels younger to me because she's always got someone "ahead" of her. Poor kid. I am an oldest, I don't know what it feels like to always be following someone.

I think this must be how youngests get spoiled, though. No matter what they do or when they learn things, they are the baby. In Mom and Dad's mind, it's hard to get past the feeling that they're little! I can see it with my youngest, that's for sure. I catch myself treating her way more baby-like than I did her sisters at that age.

Stream of Consciousness

One of my favorite bloggers just posted a couple posts like this. Just whatever came to mind, she wrote about. It's interesting, and a good way to get thoughts out on "paper" so to speak and think through things.

I've been thinking about money some, lately. Okay, a lot. Hubby is going to salary soon. We're concerned that they'll compare his pay with the wrong people, and we'll be in a rough spot financially. We've been praying for God to take care of us. We know He always does. He's proved Himself over and over again in our lives. I'm thinking about babysitting next year to add to the take in just a bit. There are also a few financial things that look like they're happening soon, and we're waiting to see if they're a part of God's plan for us. Currently, I'm just praying, "God, take care of our family."

I'm ready for a week with even just one day in it where I don't have to go anywhere. Maybe signing the girls up for a bunch of rec classes wasn't the greatest thing for my sanity.

My brother and his girlfriend might be coming in to town this weekend. I sure hope so. I love to see them, they're both so much fun. And my kids love to see them too. Speaking of kids, I wish I could get mine to not get crazy whenever we take them somewhere. Last night we went to my folks', who live right next door. We came home and everyone was still yelling and hyper! The older two stayed up a 1/2 hour past bedtime talking loudly. Loudly enough to be heard upstairs. Maybe I actually need to take them out MORE, so it wouldn't be rare to them and make them silly (more silly than usual).

I love Sesame Street. My 3-year-old is watching it now, it's still just as fun as when I watched it when I was a kid. I like that they have celebrities on there. It makes it more fun for the parents like me who like to sit down and watch with our kids sometimes!

To my "baby";

My darling youngest,

I say "baby" because you are certainly not a baby anymore. In my eyes, though, you will always be my baby. I want to make sure you always know how much I love you. I know I don't tell you as often as I should, but it's true. I love you so much.

I want you to know how much I appreciate your brave, bubbly spirit. You are not shy (unless you want to be!) and are friendly and polite to everyone. It's so much fun to watch you explore your world. You always go after everything you want to do at full-tilt, and that is such a great thing to see. Your enthusiasm is inspiring!

I love to watch you play and interact with your sisters, too. You give them a great mix of cute little sister mixed with little bits of pesty-ness. It's so great to see how much you all love each other.

You are beautiful inside and out, and I will try my hardest to make sure you always know that.

I love you so,
Mommy

'09-'10...

...seems to be the year of sick kids for us. S was sick for the last 4 days BEFORE Christmas break (meaning she missed her class Christmas party...poor kid). Now, A was sick for her first day BACK from Christmas break. This is fairly rare for us, my kids are rarely out sick. So they've all been pumped with antibiotics, they've had strep throat. A is on them now to kick it again.

Other than that it's been a good winter. We haven't had too much snow here, but enough to keep the ground mostly covered in white. I like that, it's better than everything being gray and muddy! It rained on Christmas day, but the very next day big, pretty lake effect flakes fell all day. It was gorgeous.

A starts her dance class today. She's so excited. Of all our kids she's the one most interested in dancing and actually knowing the steps and copying others in order to do it right. I hope we can keep her in classes as long as she wants to do them. The others start their classes soon, I'll make sure and blog about how that all goes.

Speaking of blogging, I happen to be doing it on a brand new shiny jewel. Well, jewel-toned laptop anyway. Seriously, the lid or cover or top or whatever you call it (the back of the screen?) is a lovely blue color. I got a game for Christmas that didn't work on our old laptop's video card. This prompted some thinking, and we came to the conclusion that if we replace it now, we won't have to again for a long time. Hubby used words like '64-bit' and '300-gig hard drive,' which I take it means it's good.  ;-) And it's Windows 7 and the video card is more than good enough. So I'm all set for many years. And it's just so pretty! :-) And fast. I like that.

I've made a goal for this year (I refuse to call them resolutions because of all the stereotypes and guilt associated with them): I did the first 'run' in the couch-to-5k program last night. It's my 3rd time through the program. Between sickness and kids, I haven't been able to keep running for more than about a year at a time. I hope to become and stay at least a 5k runner this year. 3 years ago I did the Tulip Time Run and that was a lot of fun, so I'd like to do that again. And maybe one in the fall. Way in the back of my mind, I think I'd like to try a mini-triathlon, but we'll see how things go.

I'm hoping to trim up a bit too, which means strength exercises too. In fact, I'm off to do some right now! :-)

To my second-born:

My darling daughter,

I've been thinking lately about how much I love you and how I don't tell you that enough. I know our life isn't perfect but I hope that you know how much I love you.

I want you to know that I see your curious personality and that even when your questions come rapid-fire, I try to keep in mind that you just want to know everything about your life! That is such a great thing. I read something a woman said once, "I brought her into this world, the least I can do is let her show it to me." I love that quote because it makes me think of you. You love to explore, and you love to share what you find out.

I also want to say thank you so much for being a wonderful big sister to your little sister, and thank you for your help with her. I appreciate when you try to share with and be best friends with both your sisters.

I want you to know that you are beautiful inside and out, and I and God will always think that.

I love you so much,

Mommy

Results

I know it's not like I have any kind of fan base, so anyone who reads this probably already knows what I'm about to write from some other source. But as I'm also treating this as a sort of diary, I will put this in here to go back to someday.

My doctor called yesterday with my PET scan results, less than 24 hours after I had the scan done. The only way she could have gotten them so fast was for her to call the clinic and have them rush her the results. I really respect her for thinking of us in this way, that we could have the results before the New Year's holiday and rest easy over the weekend.

The scan was clear. She said all the enlarging and activity that was there before is now gone, and the nodes have gone down to their regular size. According to the readout, there is 'no evidence of lymphoma.' Hallelujah!

The second I heard her voice my heart started to pound. Because of course, if she asked me to come in or something, then there would probably have been bad news. And then I stayed all excited because the news was so good; Hubby and I were literally spinning around the living room when I told him.

It was so great to be able to celebrate the start of a New Year without that weight on our shoulders. We can look ahead to a year with a literally clean start. Clean of all Hodgkin's. Lovely.