'The girl with the cancer'

I was thinking today about some of the things I've been through and what I thought about it, and wanted to give you some insights. I know I never know how to relate to someone who's been through a trauma I never have (heck, I have a hard time relating to people who've been through the same traumas I have), and maybe this will help someone understand some of what I'm feeling.

Recently I was attending an event with a lot of people coming and going, some from our church, some I'd never met before. I was sitting and chatting with some people when an older woman I didn't know turned around. She was someone I'd never met before, but because of what she said and what she made me think about, I'll never forget her face!

She turned right to me and asked, "are you the girl with the cancer?" After lots of probing questions over the years, I'm kind of used to people just knowing me without me knowing them. So I answered her as I try to answer most of the questions I get about treatments and such, as upbeat-ly as possible.

But after the encounter, I started thinking. To how many people am I 'the girl with cancer'? Am I okay with that? I'm torn about whether or not I am.

I think the selfish parts of me would rather live in obscurity than to have to be known in conjunction with the infamous 'C word'. I would rather go my own way than be looked at with pity.

Of course, on the other hand, the part of me that tries not to be selfish sees that there is much to be thankful for. I have my health back, for as long as God sees fit to grant it to me. And maybe, just maybe there's someone out there who has been affected by my story. I hope so.

Sorry this will be VERY long, but again, these are things I've thought about that I wanted to share.

My favorite memory from all this (amazing that there can be many bright spots in it all)... One day our pastor was speaking in church. He was talking about a daughter church of ours located in inner-city Atlanta, Georgia. Our church had just given them a gift, I think of computers or something. In return, they wanted to offer up prayers for something that needed lots of prayer in our church at that moment.

Our pastor said to them, "well, in our church right now there are three young families that are just going through hell. One or both parents in these families have cancer or major health issues. There are 9 (10? I'm not sure anymore) children represented in these families. They need prayers RIGHT NOW." And the other pastor said "Ok. Give me their names (and, I think he asked for pics...) and our congregation will pray for them by name."

Amazing!! Incredible!! I burst into tears right there. First, that wonderful request: we want to pray for your church to thank you. Then, that God brought us three families to our pastor's mind. Then, that they, who don't know us at all, would pray for us by name.

What really blows me away now, thinking about it, is that there are many, many other people who have done the same thing for us. They don't know us at all, and yet, when someone mentioned us to them, or asked them to pray for us, they dropped to their knees (literally or figuratively) and prayed for us. There are so many out there who are doing this for us, whether they know us or not.

I can't wait to thank them someday. I can't wait to personally thank every single one of you who's ever prayed for me or done something to help us through all this. I can't wait to celebrate our eternal bodies together, where the threat of cancer will never lurk.

For now, though, know this: I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Kevin does too. For me, say a thank you to everyone you've asked to pray for us. I know I can't reach all of them, but I hope you can help me. I really and truly am grateful for every word of prayer that's been said on our behalf.

Praying

About a year or so ago I stumbled upon the story of a family in NC who was going through quite the ordeal. The wife has CF, and just when she got on the transplant list for a new set of lungs, they found out she was pregnant. Their baby was born prematurely in an emergency C-section to save the life of mommy and baby. The surgery worked, the baby was born healthy but very premature. She's now over a year old. Mommy was immediately placed back on the transplant list after the birth, and now has her new lungs. They've been doing well. So I've been praying for them, and I follow them on Twitter and through his blog.

Well, he's got two (well, many, but these two I've become interested in) friends in the blogging community who are also going through ordeals. The first I found is a micro-preemie ( I don't have that much info) who went through a surgery recently and now is suddenly brain-dead, they think from a stroke or something. She had been doing miraculously well, and they desire prayer that God is not finished working miracles in this baby's life.

The second is a blogger called MckMama. I think I will really enjoy following her blog. She's a bit more 'earthy' and 'organic' than I am, but maybe I can learn a few things from her. She calls her self 'a sinner saved by the King's grace'. Fantastic. Anyway, her youngest was born with congestive heart issues and was in surgery yesterday.

I love the internet. I've experienced the blessings that come from being able to tell hundreds (or in these people's cases, thousands) of people at a time what is going on during a difficult time. It's amazing. I don't even know these people and yet I get the chance to bring them before God's throne and ask for his blessing to be breathed into their lives. Amazing.

Trying to develop a green thumb...

I've been trying to grow some plants inside this spring. I was too eager and I started them really early! Now the flowers got too big for their little planter, and I had to transplant them. But then the cat was sitting in the pot! Rrgh. Even spanking him for it didn't help. But I have a smart hubby! He thought of turning one of my clear mixing bowls upside down and putting it over top of the pot. It's just perfect, fits right inside the handles of the pot. Lets the plants breath and get sunshine, but the cat hasn't tried to sit in it since.

My tomato plants need to be transplanted next. They're getting really tall, too big to be supported by the box, and they're getting root-bound so they dry out every other day or so. It has to stop being so stinking cold! I have no where to go with them. Next year I won't start my plants so early.

At least they are all healthy! Maybe my thumb is greener than I thought.

Growing up

We have taken C's high chair out of the dining room! She's graduated to a booster seat, and using the stools at the counter with her big sisters. They eat at the counter for breakfast and lunch and we eat around the table as often as possible for supper. Her first meal in the booster made hubby and I sad! We don't know if we'll ever have another baby, and so our 'baby' is grown out of her high chair!

Next step is graduating her from her crib. She keeps crawling out of it anyway. That'll make us sad, too. We have guests coming up to visit us during Tulip time, in 2 1/2 weeks. They'll be staying down in the basement bedroom, which S has to herself right now. It will be easiest to only move her out of that room for that weekend, instead of both of the older two. So after our friends go home, we'll move A downstairs, where she can use the bunk beds with her big sister. Then, C can have the 'big girl bed,' which is a crib converted to a day bed. Amazing how fast that came up. I'm not ready for it, but she is, so it's time. After that we'll be potty training her! Good grief.

We've been changing some other stuff in the house too. We rearranged our bedroom, which gave us all kinds of more room. That was nice. And we got a new, 8' bookcase in the living room, and a flat-screen TV (for Christmas), so we moved some things in the living room too. It feels so nice and roomy in there now.

Save me!

Yikes! Spring break with nowhere to go! Whatever will I do??

Actually, the girls were good today. They keep themselves fairly busy and as long as I can keep them from destroying each others' projects or screaming their heads off at each other we're good.

Tomorrow we head to the library. C's laptime class is doing an Easter egg hunt, and the teacher said I could bring S and A, as well. Unfortunately I'm sure I won't be the only one bringing older siblings. That could get downright hectic. Hopefully she won't be trying to be too organized.

Wednesday they're doing supper at church, which saves me from having to cook and gets the kids out of the house again. Should be good.

And the temperatures start going up Wednesday! That means I can kick the older two outdoors if they get too annoying. ;)

I plan to let them get plenty of library books tomorrow, too. That will keep S occupied quite a bit. She's starting to like reading just for the fun of reading. Hopefully she holds onto that for the rest of her life. She comes from a line of readers on my side!

We should have a pretty good spring break. I'll be spending a LOT of time praying for patience.