To my firstborn:

My darling daughter,

I have felt a tug at my heartstrings lately about how you need to hear more often how much I love you. I know that sometimes we disagree, sometimes it's hard to get along with everyone, but I love you forever just the same.

I am so very proud of you. I love watching you learn. You are learning so fast! I love to see you figure things out on your own, like a tough homework question or how to get along with your sisters. I love listening to all that you know; your memory is so good and you love to share what you know.

You are such a loving big sister to your younger sisters. Thank you so much for all the help you give me with them! You are so kind-hearted and loving.

I just wanted you to know that I can see that you are beautiful, inside and out. And I never want you to forget that.

I love you so,

Mommy

Stress partially lifted

Wow, thank you so for all your prayers. The PET scan went as well as can be expected, as uncomfortable as it has to be. I realized today that part of the problem with it all is that medical procedures almost always involve being uncomfortable in some way. Fasting, incisions, needles, ugh. But I do, from the very bottom of my heart, appreciate all the doctors that have worked so hard to get me well, that's for sure.

My body did not try to get sick after the contrast this time. That was a major plus. And the time went fairly quickly, as my sister got to go with me! That was fun. Laughing my way through it makes the experience much more bearable.

At least, as my sister pointed out, I got to have snacks! :) I do love that the PET center does that for us. They have crackers and cookies and juices and such available after the scan is over, which is nice of them, that they think of that.

And I WILL try to have a better attitude about tests. I think God challenged that a bit today. I'm struggling with learning to give things to him; especially tests and results. Today it was a heavy weight, the fact that the results were questionable from the last time, plus the experience of a rough scan the last time too. But I'm working to give it to God and take on His yoke instead. So it feels lighter, plus the fact that the scan went well (I even dozed off for a minute or two).

Thanks again for joining me on this journey. Your support is amazing and humbling to me. Love you all.

PET scan

I hate PET scans. I HATE THEM. I get an IV and have to sit on my duff for an hour while radioactive sugar circulates through my system. Then I lay in a fricken tube for 30 minutes while my arms fall asleep and they give me dye that my body is getting more and more sick of, to the point of nearly throwing up the last time I had it. Add to this time the fact that the last results were questionable, and now I'm worried about this one.

So today I find myself on the verge of tears, stressed enough that I'm snapping and yelling at the very three reasons I have to pray for a clear scan. Thank goodness kids are resilient. I pray they make it through this day, too.

I don't want to go. I don't want the restricted diet, the fasting, the IV. I don't want to sit around freaking out for an hour, I don't want to lay in an uncomfortable position for far too long. I hate waiting for results. I dread what would happen if the results are undesirable.

I am a SURVIVOR, damn it. I want to get past all this CRAP. Please God, see me past all this crap.

Merry Christmas!

I know I post a lot of lyrics, but being one who is not good at putting poems and such together, I admire people who can. I think that's a small part of why I like words to songs so much.

This is my favorite Christmas song for this year. It speaks of remembering WHY Christ came to earth for us, and the wonder we should have when thinking of Christmas. My favorite part is in bold.


I Celebrate the Day: Relient K

And with this Christmas wish is missed
The point I could convey
If only I could find the words to say to let You know how much You've touched my life
Because here is where You're finding me, in the exact same place as New Year's eve
And from a lack of my persistency
We're less than half as close as I want to be

And the first time
That You opened Your eyes did You realize that You would be my Savior
And the first breath that left Your lips
Did You know that it would change this world forever

And so this Christmas I'll compare the things I felt in prior years
To what this midnight made so clear
That You have come to meet me here

To look back and think that
This baby would one day save me
In the hope that what You did
That you were born so I might live
To look back and think that
This baby would one day save me

And I, I celebrate the day
That You were born to die
So I could one day pray for You to save my life

Have a great Holiday! Enjoy the people you get to spend these days with, celebrate the life God has laid in front of you, remember Him and why He came. Merry Christmas to you all!

Juno

We watched Juno a couple weeks ago. It's got a very folksy, fun soundtrack. My favorite song is "Anyone But You". The lyrics are kind of funky, except the line: "I don't know what anyone can see, in anyone else but you." That's my current favorite line from a song (those change fast for me, have you noticed?  :). But the song with the best overall lyrics from the movie is this one, called "All I Want is You."

If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and green
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and green
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a river in the mountains tall,
The rumble of your water would be my call.
If you were the winter, I know I'd be the snow
Just as long as you were with me, when the cold winds blow.

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a wink, I'd be a nod
If you were a seed, well I'd be a pod.
If you were the floor, I'd wanna be the rug
And if you were a kiss, I know I'd be a hug

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were the wood, I'd be the fire.
If you were the love, I'd be the desire.
If you were a castle, I'd be your moat,
And if you were an ocean, I'd learn to float.

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

Pictures test

Yeah, yeah, two in one night. You can ignore this one if you want; I'm just doing some testing with my new ability to upload picures with the faster internet and new post editor. Before I could only post a picture at the beginning of the post, and now I'm hoping to find out that I can do it throughout the text.

 Brilliant. I love this picture. This was taken just a few weeks ago at my sister in law's wedding. S read the scripture passage, and A and C were flower girls. Good times.

 

 This is why I love weddings. I love dancing with my husband!

Sweet.

Ahh, Technology...

...how I adore you. Hehe. Actually, I'm just truly geeked about our brand new shiny internet.

Up until now, we've been using dial-up. Yep, that's right. Our house has been stuck in the '90's, internet-wise. Finally we have cable internet and a wireless router. We've come into the present day! I can use my iPod anywhere in the house, and I'm no longer tied to the wall via the phone cord. I can't get over being excited about it. Of course, this isn't top of the line or the fastest you could possibly get or anything, but it works for what we do, and we can afford it, which was key! ;-)