Week 8--Support His Vision

I am just loving this exercise. The whole summer blog series has been wonderful for me/us. This week's prompt encouraged a wonderful, long conversation about us, what got us where we are, where he hopes we will go, and what that looks like for us as we follow his lead.

July 26 - Support his vision. Discuss his vision for your family. Where does he see your family in 1 year, 5 years, and 10 years?


So we finally got a while last night to discuss it, and it was encouraging and wonderful.

1 Year: He sees us in a more stable financial place. He will be finishing up his associate's degree in less than the year, which opens up more opportunities at work. His hope is that those opportunities will come with pay raises, as well. There is not much change expected for us as a family in only a year, though we will be looking at all three children being in school as C starts Kindergarten next year. Besides that and plenty of growth and maturing, we will hopefully not have any drastic changes in one year.

5 Years: He hopes to have a more advanced position at work, perhaps (he hopes) in the prototype area there. School will be behind him at that point and he hopes to get his name out there as a freelancer/contractor in his chosen field. A small business may be something we start looking into seriously around that time. He hopes that I will by that time have my own time to do what I see fit. Right now, things like volunteering at non-profits and the kids' schools really appeal to me. That could change but that's where I sit right now.


10 Years: S will have just graduated High School (*faints*), so thoughts of college and such will be heavy on our minds. A will be entering 10th grade and C 9th grade. We will have 3 teenagers...sigh. He hopes to either be very advanced at the company he's at now, or completely independent. He also hopes to be either looking at designing and building our dream house, or already in it. For me, he hopes that by then I will have a job I love, or volunteering as much as possible somewhere near and dear to my heart. For me this would be either a location that helps the poor or a crisis pregnancy center.

We brainstormed something that we don't know WHERE it might fit in, but we'd love to see it fit in. We would be thrilled to be in a place where we could adopt. That will be something we play by ear, as it is such a huge expense. But we'd love to be able to.

Also, we discussed how tied down to our current city we feel. We agreed that we'd love to stay here until the kids are grown, then after that, perhaps we won't be anchored here so much, and may choose to move. But we're pretty stable here for now.

It is so easy to follow his lead for us. He makes wise choices and is open to life's changes. He takes other opinions into consideration and knows that life can change quickly. I know that if he were called somewhere else he would be very open to that as well, all the while keeping our family in the forefront of his mind and what changes mean for us. I feel like God really orchestrates where we are and where we are going, and that I have been truly blessed to be loved by such a wonderful man.

This was such an incredible conversation. It led to more great discussions, like the one about about how blessed I feel to be with him, ideas for running his own small business if we feel like that is a good step for us, and more. We were up way too late considering his early work time, but it was worth it, I think. I hope he thinks so too. ;)

One of my Favorite Videos.

I came across this again today thanks to one of my twitter friends. Every single time I see it I have to applaud. And I know I have a couple teachers and mommies who follow this blog, so this is for you.

What a Teacher Makes, by Taylor Mali

I like it though I've never taught a class more difficult than a daycare class, but some of the stuff he says applies to mommies, too. And for everyone else, it's just entertaining. Enjoy!

Week 7--Cook His Favorite Foods!

July 19 - Make him a priority. Ask him what his favorite dinner, dessert and drink are. Be sure to serve him all three one night this week.

I asked my husband on Monday to think about what would be his ideal meal. Our kids were gone all day today, all the way until 8:30, so we'd have time for me to pick up whatever he wanted and we could leisurely make dinner whenever we wanted. It was lovely.

He chose steak, mashed potatoes and gravy, with cheesecake for dessert, and  Mike's Hard Lemonade to drink. Oh, and applesauce, which I forgot (oops! sorry!). I added some fresh broccoli from the Farmer's Market this morning, along with some delicious bread, also from the market. It was so nice to go there without the kids, by the way. I like to take them and they have a good time, but it was a pleasant change to go without dealing with their impatience. (Thanks, Grandma and Grandpa for inviting them to the amusement park!)

So he came home and we relaxed and chatted for a while and then made dinner when we wanted to. It was actually also our first time grilling this summer, so that was nice too. Everything turned out nice and we ate slowly and (gasp!) quietly.

I hope he felt special. It was amusing asking him what he wanted. In fact, as I was thinking about it later, I could tell that he's very used to pampering me and making sure that my wants and needs are met. Especially after everything we've been through in life. I had to keep assuring him that it was okay for him to say all the details of what he wanted. We were talking about the cheesecake for desert and he was apologetic at one point after I asked if he wanted a variety cheesecake or just plain. I had to insist that it was his night to pick out everything and it was fine! :)

I loved doing this, will probably do it again, and I'm glad he had fun with it too.

Frayed...

That's the state of my nerves up there, in the title. I have to have another vocal chord procedure tomorrow, and my nerves just keep getting worse and worse. Intellectually, I know this is no big deal. I'm only out for 15 minutes, maybe, I'm not even going to be intubated... it's not a major thing.

But I'm still stressed. It does mean IVs, and anesthetic, and sore muscles the next couple days from the stupid positions they put me in for the procedure. It means letting go of control and putting it in that doctor's hands for the time that I'm under. It means hospital smells and leaving my husband to go to the surgery room. Ugh. I'm praying with all my mind right now that this is the last time I have to do this.

And also that I can actually sleep tonight.

Week 6-Post #2

My husband and I discussed the priorities last night in what was a very good, very eye-opening conversation. I was a bit surprised at his choices in which priorities came first (for one thing, I expected meals to take a higher priority), but once he explained his reasoning behind it all it made perfect sense, and I admire his wisdom in the choices.

His priorities:

1. ALONE TIMES: He has an easier time relaxing and relating to us when he know he can 'get away from it all' without derailing life at home. For example, he appreciates the opportunity to go in a room by himself after a bad day to compose his thoughts and de-stress. He does not feel like he needs that kind of break every single day, but just knowing that the opportunity is there for the really bad days is important to his mental stress level. For us, the knowledge that I am willing to be home when he goes out with his friends, and he is willing to do the same for me, is also important.
2. CLEANING: Again, the normal stress of a  long workday is easier to work through at home when the house is not trashed day after day. He has absolutely no demands about it being spotless all the time, but reasonably clean is important. 
3. BUDGET: This one is important because of the fact that we don't make a ton of money. Budgeting our finances and saving wherever we can is important for our family.
4. MEALS: Comes next because while home cooking is nice, it isn't vital. He likes my cooking and enjoys that I pack him a lunch. So it is important, but not as much as the others. 
5. TIME MANAGEMENT: Aside from when he and talk about his schedule and the things we do in the evening, the things I do from this category happen largely when he is at work. As he has never had any issues with the way I manage my time and the girls', this gets low priority. Again, important, and I'm doing a fine job, but not vital.

SOME THOUGHTS: I pretty much completely agree with his choices and explanations. First, I've seen the difference giving him some time to himself can have. I also know the impact getting out and hanging out with his friends has on his stress levels, and therefore when there isn't anything else going on, and he wants to go, I try to make sure he can get out and do that sort of thing.

Second, to be totally honest, I was terrible at keeping the house clean when we first got married. I'm so glad I've gotten the determination to get it clean almost every day. I can tell the difference in myself, and in my husband now that I actually keep the house in reasonable order. 

Third, the budget is pretty much my area. I, for one thing, actually have the time to take care of it. For another thing, the way I organize is well suited for our budget, and somehow my brain is able to do the mental problem-solving that sometimes our budget takes.

Fourth, I've recently started packing him a lunch every day. Before, I figured he would pack one if he wanted it. With all the stuff on his plate it was getting forgotten at night, and he is getting up so early that there is no time for it in the morning. So now I just pack it as we're putting supper away at night. It's easy enough to just put the leftovers in their dishes in his lunch box and put it all in the fridge for him to grab every morning. Simple. Wish I had thought of that before.

Fifth, that category makes perfect sense in last place. I schedule most of our appointments for when he's at work anyway, so we can be home when he is as often as possible. So I can see why this wouldn't impact him as much as the others.

This was an excellent exercise. I found out just a couple areas that could be better taken care of, and he turned the tables and asked if there was anything I'd like that would help me in being able to take care of everything that gets done here. I thought back to the "5 Love Languages," and the fact that I respond best to being appreciated ("words of appreciation"). I asked him to simply notice and verbally acknowledge what gets done. Knowing that he sees that it takes a lot of work to run our house and that he recognizes what I do is very encouraging to me.

Week 6-Post #1--Some arguments for stay at home moms, and a list.

July 12 - Make a list of 5 things you currently do and ask him to prioritize them for you of what is important to him. For example - a clean home, home cooked dinner, coupon clipping, service at church, having friends over for dinner, watching/doing sports with him, etc.

I'll start this week in a kind of roundabout way. I've been following a couple "mommy blogs" lately. These women are wonderfully secure in their convictions about God's plan in their lives, and I find myself learning things about more than just the art of staying at home.

"One of the common stereotypes of biblical womanhood is that she is enslaved at home, receiving orders barked from her husband who is 'in charge'.

Contrary to that idea, a woman in a biblical marriage is the “queen” or manager of her home. She is actually the one “in charge” of the numerous duties of keeping a home and her husband is free to be the man God created him to be because “the heart of her husband safely trusts her”. The two are on the same page–same vision–same goals. He doesn’t have to micro-manage her time because he knows she is capable, smart and eager to fulfill their mission.

One of the feminist lies is that a woman can only be truly free in a career outside her home. But the irony is that she still submits to someone (usually another man). What’s worse is that the man whom she must obey doesn’t love her, doesn’t have her best interests at heart and doesn’t feel any motivation to protect her." (By Kelly at Raising Homemakers)

Today Kelly over at Raising Homemakers made the best point I've seen so far. She points out that if a woman has a career outside of the home, she will still probably be submitting to SOMEONE, most likely a man. However, unlike her husband, this person (woman or man) will not have her and her family's best interests in mind. The manager or CEO or boss the woman works for will be looking out for the best interests of the company they work for.

In the home, on the other hand, a woman can commit all her energies to caring for her family and guiding the children given to her by God. The man she is called to submit to is likewise called to give his entire life for her, to care for her more than for himself, to die for her. Very UNlike a boss/manager. That and the company she works for will be giving orders, expecting to be obeyed. In a biblical marriage, the man and woman decide on goals together, and the woman shows herself trustworthy enough to manage the 'home side' of things. There are no orders, only decisions made together, as a team. That, plus the fact that a woman can find ways to contribute to the family from in the home.

Of course, I understand that there are women who HAVE to work, especially in this economic climate. And that's another thing I like about these blogs, they are quick to assure their readers that they know that in an imperfect world, staying at home is not possible for every mother.

Blessedly, my husband makes enough and we've wrangled our budget to a point where I can, in fact, stay home. Of course, another aspect of this is the fact that we have enough children that if I had to work during the summer they'd be in daycare, which would just be silly, as I would be working simply to make enough to keep them in daycare.

All of that to lead me into the first post on this week's challenge topic. This week's challenge is to lay out the responsibilities I've taken on in my SAHM role. Then, to go over them with my husband and determine which are most important to my husband, the care of our home, and myself. The example the blogger posing the challenge gave was when she threw herself head first into coupon clipping and deal finding, driving from store to store finding deals to save them money, newborn and toddler in tow. She was surprised to find out that to her husband, the money saved wasn't his priority. To him, the priority was the knowledge that she and the children were safe, and not running herself ragged running all over town. Importantly, he never told her not to clip coupons, and he appreciated the money saved, but it was not as high on his priority list as her sanity and safety were. To this end, things AT HOME, such as organization, were higher priority to him.

So now I will be making a list of the things I take care of at home, and this week my hubby and I will discuss the responsibilities I've taken on to run our home. We'll assign priorities so I can know the things that are most important to us as a family, and ensure that these are the things that get done first and foremost.

In no particular order...

1. CLEANING: laundry, vacuum, dishes, make beds, lawn care
2. BUDGET: bills, coupons, groceries
3. TIME MANAGEMENT: appointments, calendar, babysitting, activities for kids
4. MEALS: planning, making home-cooked meals, packing his lunch
5. ALONE TIMES: Devotional/recharge times (carving out time for my own and his)

Okay, I understand these categories cover a LOT of little tasks. But I've tried to categorize them as well as I can in order to get an idea of which of the things that occupy my time are most important to him, in general. Then, in turn I can devote more of my time to those things. Another post will be forthcoming about our conversation and what is, in fact most important to him.

Oh, and P.S., I was right. Hubby got a major kick out of reading last week's post. I'm so glad to have him home, and so glad he got to go on the trip. He had some definite confirmations that he was right where he belonged that week. And our week at home did go very well, as much as I did miss him. We had plenty to occupy our time and I hope he gained some additional confidence that we can be okay without him so he can go on these trips.

Week 5- Admire Him!

I'm excited that this challenge happened to fall on the week that Hubby is on a trip with the youth group. He's going to be a leader this year and joined the group on a team building trip to Colorado. He's almost totally 'off the grid' for a week. Therefore, he will not be able to read the post until he comes home. I can write it knowing it'll be a pleasant surprise for him when he gets home. Then, when he does get home and gets back online, one of the things waiting for him will be the email that tells him I wrote this post. :)


There are so many things I admire about my husband, I don't know how I'm going to organize it into a comprehensible post. But here goes.

1) My husband is a man of God. I have long admired his knowledge of God and his demonstration of his walk with Christ in the everyday. He is an amazing leader for our family and such a good influence for our children. He is able to teach them about matters of the heart and God in a way that is clear and easy for them to understand as children.

2) My husband is incredibly faithful and loyal. We've been through some health issues that would have easily driven a lesser man away. My husband not only stuck by me, but stayed with me in hospital rooms even though it meant work would be harder for him, not to mention the stress of watching me deal with various medicines. With everything we've been through, we are definitely a stronger couple today than the day we got married.

3) I admire his integrity. He is honest in his dealings with me, with our extended families, with friends, and with his coworkers. He speaks what is on his mind truthfully, yet kindly. He is also able to admit his flaws, and confess to others when he's wronged them. Even when it means putting his reputation on the line.

4) He is always loving and respectful to me in spite of my flaws. I come from a family of women who are strong and often stubborn and kinda proud of it. Through everything I do he puts up with me and my strong opinions. He quietly sits back and lets my rants wind themselves down and never tells me that I'm being silly about something that doesn't matter that much. He is far more patient with me than I deserve.

5) As I said, I have a strong and strongly opinionated family. His love for them in spite of their flaws is inspiring to me. He put up with my dad holding a grudge against him for a couple years. His patience paid off, as my dad has been downright friendly lately! It's great.

6) My husband is humble. It can even be difficult for him to take a compliment. But I do so love the way he blushes whenever I compliment him, which I try to do as often as I can. I can only imagine his face after he reads this post! :)

7) I admire his wisdom. He prayerfully considers decisions that need to be made, rather than jumping in headfirst. My husband tries to discern God's will for himself and our family in his decision-making.

8) I admire his drive. This past year he was on 3 different committees between church and our neighborhood association, he went to school full time online, and worked 50-60 hours a week. This spring he began training for a 5k race. Add to that being on the lights team at church and having a wife and three kids. It was tiring, to say the least, but he handled the busy year amazingly well and got through it all. His drive and ability to get the things that need to get done, done, is inspiring.

9) My husband is very handsome. We've been married more than 7 years (I've known him for 10) and he is more handsome to me now than the day we met. He works on taking good care of himself, and I look forward to seeing him grow more and more handsome to me as the years go on.

10) I admire his ability to lead. In everything we go through he consults my opinion yet isn't afraid to also give his.  He takes all sides of an issue into consideration when making the big decisions that need to be made. Also, he is willing to step aside in areas where my talents shine (for example, finances), and simply agree or disagree with my thoughts about the area as needed.

There are so many things I admire about my husband. Every day I am thankful for him. This week is fast proving the adage 'absence makes the heart grow fonder.' I can't stop thinking of how much I love him and love being with him. I can't wait until Saturday evening, when I'll get to tell him all these things in person again.