Today I read this wonderful blog post. The author talks about the scars she has from surviving her own birth, as a twin born 3 months early and weighing just over 1 pound. Heart surgery, pneumonia and 3 months in the hospital later, she survived despite overwhelming odds against her.
The story reminded me of my own journey and how many scars I have from it. I have 6 biopsy scars and 4 port/line in scars. Plus I have a few 'chemo patches' as I call them where my skin darkened a bit from the effects of chemotherapy. I have a teeny-tiny tattoo (unnoticeable unless I show you, but I know it's there) in the middle of my chest from needing to line up a radiation machine. The veins in my arms roll from having been poked so many times for PET/CT scans and blood draws.
You know what these are? I'll tell you what they're not. They're not scary, depressing reminders of the pain I've been through. They used to be, that's for sure. When the pain and sickness were raw and fresh in my mind, that's what they were. I hated them. I didn't want to see them. Tough since two of them are pretty much right on my collarbone. I wanted them all covered up.
But now? Now that my vision is clearing and I'm starting to look into the past with fresh eyes? Now I'm actually proud of these scars. I'm proud of how far God has brought me, how much I can do physically again, how interesting and amazing a story I have. These scars are a badge of honor, a physical representation of the fact that God is with me always, and he saw me through such a very dark time. That's what these scars are.
You know, my odds were not as bad as some. But there was a 60% chance that the treatment would take away my cancer. Nearly even odds. My hubby put it best when we were in the midst of it... "I wouldn't take those odds on a bet." Not horrible odds, but not great. And now, 2 1/2 years after these treatments are behind me, I am running father than I ever though possible. And I am here. Here to boast in God's faithfulness to me. Here to love my husband. Here to enjoy my children. HERE.
Praise God. He is so faithful.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
Girls on the Run 5K
S was in the girls' club Girls on the Run this year. She's been meeting after school with her club, where they talk about things important to girls as they grow into young women. Body image, self esteem, those sorts of things. They also have been training to run a 5k.
She's really been enjoying it, and it was heartily endorsed by my sister, who joined the club when she was in elementary school and enjoyed it thoroughly.
S gets a lot of 'running' influence from her family members. One of the most important things to me physically since my cancer treatments has been getting back into running. Her paternal grandmother and maternal grandfather are both marathoners, and my sister and hubby's brother and sister are all into it too. Even my mom and hubby's dad run, but not as far as their crazy spouses! (Yet. Not saying it won't happen.)
Tonight the season culminated with their 5k. This is entirely a fun event, no clocks, people encouraged to line the course the whole way and cheer the whole time. I ran with S and so did my sister. That was fun. The plan was for S to kind of pace with me, as we guessed (based on how long it took her to do some training runs) that between running and walking, she was finishing runs about as fast as I could do them at a jog. So she expressed the desire to not walk at all, and we hoped that by sticking with me she could accomplish her goal.
Well, it worked! She pushed me faster than I would have normally run it, and I helped her stay at a slower jog at the times when her run was getting too fast. She jogged the entire 5k. I hope she's very proud of herself, as we are very proud of her!
And, of course, being curious and competitive as I am, I did (kind of) keep track of our speed. I'm pretty sure we ran it in right around a half hour. Not sure how accurate the course was, or how good my guesses were as I didn't check my watch until after the start and a few minutes after the finish. But still a very good time. Very impressive for an 8 year old girl, for sure!
She's really been enjoying it, and it was heartily endorsed by my sister, who joined the club when she was in elementary school and enjoyed it thoroughly.
S gets a lot of 'running' influence from her family members. One of the most important things to me physically since my cancer treatments has been getting back into running. Her paternal grandmother and maternal grandfather are both marathoners, and my sister and hubby's brother and sister are all into it too. Even my mom and hubby's dad run, but not as far as their crazy spouses! (Yet. Not saying it won't happen.)
Tonight the season culminated with their 5k. This is entirely a fun event, no clocks, people encouraged to line the course the whole way and cheer the whole time. I ran with S and so did my sister. That was fun. The plan was for S to kind of pace with me, as we guessed (based on how long it took her to do some training runs) that between running and walking, she was finishing runs about as fast as I could do them at a jog. So she expressed the desire to not walk at all, and we hoped that by sticking with me she could accomplish her goal.
Well, it worked! She pushed me faster than I would have normally run it, and I helped her stay at a slower jog at the times when her run was getting too fast. She jogged the entire 5k. I hope she's very proud of herself, as we are very proud of her!
And, of course, being curious and competitive as I am, I did (kind of) keep track of our speed. I'm pretty sure we ran it in right around a half hour. Not sure how accurate the course was, or how good my guesses were as I didn't check my watch until after the start and a few minutes after the finish. But still a very good time. Very impressive for an 8 year old girl, for sure!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Softball's starting!!
Tonight we practiced, and it was so much fun! I cannot wait for games to start next week. We were practicing on a kids' field, but I still got a couple hits well out of the infield so that was exciting. I had a couple good fielding plays too so I am completely pumped up for this!
I'm hoping to play Second base. The only problem was there are 13 of us signed up for the team so there will always be at least 3 sitting out. That and at least 3 other people said second as their preferred position so I am not going to be able to play it as much as I'd like. Sigh.
Oh well, I'm just thrilled to play! Can't wait for next Thursday! Maybe I'll put up some pictures if I can get any that look like I know what I'm doing.
I'm hoping to play Second base. The only problem was there are 13 of us signed up for the team so there will always be at least 3 sitting out. That and at least 3 other people said second as their preferred position so I am not going to be able to play it as much as I'd like. Sigh.
Oh well, I'm just thrilled to play! Can't wait for next Thursday! Maybe I'll put up some pictures if I can get any that look like I know what I'm doing.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
I did it!
25K. 15.5 miles. In 3 hours, 10 minutes, and 44 seconds. My log says I put in 400 miles in training for this.
This picture is near the end, where my family was on the curb to watch.
(In the recovery area afterward. Felt good but could hardly pick up my feet!)
I was forced to stop only once at a crowded water station, but only for a beat or two. I felt AMAZING. I did not imagine that it could go that well, but it did. Even now I don't have too much trouble with stairs or anything, my muscles all recovered quickly!
My kids even had a great time waiting that long, and hubby and A (who had dance) made it in time to see me finish. The whole day was great. I'm so happy I did it and it sounds like more people want to run it with me next year.
Now, to look into running a half marathon in 4 months... :-D
This picture is near the end, where my family was on the curb to watch.
(In the recovery area afterward. Felt good but could hardly pick up my feet!)
I was forced to stop only once at a crowded water station, but only for a beat or two. I felt AMAZING. I did not imagine that it could go that well, but it did. Even now I don't have too much trouble with stairs or anything, my muscles all recovered quickly!
My kids even had a great time waiting that long, and hubby and A (who had dance) made it in time to see me finish. The whole day was great. I'm so happy I did it and it sounds like more people want to run it with me next year.
Now, to look into running a half marathon in 4 months... :-D
Friday, May 13, 2011
Well, here we are!
So, I've come this far. I've trained for the Riverbank Run. The actual run is 10.5 hours away, but I've finished the training.
I ran in 2-foot snowdrifts, 25 mph winds, rain, 80 degree weather, 10 degree weather, on dirt roads, paved roads, sidewalks, various treadmills, through bronchitis, and today pushing a stroller.
There's nothing more to do but run it. I'm very nervous. I find this a good thing. The last training run I ran when actually nervous was the 14 miles, and I ran it in less than 3 hours. Also, out of all the long runs, that one went the best. That means I could run tomorrow in about 3:16. That's fast enough to finish before they close the course, and to allow myself to get results posted. (They shut these things down after 3 hours and 30 minutes.)
So my goal, as it is my first time and only 2 1/2 years after my last chemo treatment, is to simply run. I don't want to stop or walk. Just keep moving.
25K, here I come!
I ran in 2-foot snowdrifts, 25 mph winds, rain, 80 degree weather, 10 degree weather, on dirt roads, paved roads, sidewalks, various treadmills, through bronchitis, and today pushing a stroller.
There's nothing more to do but run it. I'm very nervous. I find this a good thing. The last training run I ran when actually nervous was the 14 miles, and I ran it in less than 3 hours. Also, out of all the long runs, that one went the best. That means I could run tomorrow in about 3:16. That's fast enough to finish before they close the course, and to allow myself to get results posted. (They shut these things down after 3 hours and 30 minutes.)
So my goal, as it is my first time and only 2 1/2 years after my last chemo treatment, is to simply run. I don't want to stop or walk. Just keep moving.
25K, here I come!
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
It's true what they say...
...Once you've had cancer, you think every little twinge or ache is cancer coming back all over again. This may be true for other major diseases too but my experience is cancer.
Last Monday I had a PET scan. These are always a source of stress for me, as I've had more of them than I can count and am just sick of the needle poke, the feel/taste of the contrast, the time out of my day... I'm just sick of them. This one in particular was causing me stress as I had had bronchitis the week before and it wasn't clearing up as I would have liked (it's still not entirely cleared up). Infections like bronchitis can cause the scans to 'glow' as they would if they showed cancer. I didn't want this to happen for two reasons: first, I didn't know how our new insurance would cover the scans (still don't), and didn't want to have to pay for two, and second, a false positive would have added to my stress about whether there could have been cancer there to light up along with the infection.
So there was a fair amount of tension coming into this scan. With that tension there already, it was easy to let my mind wander to what would happen if the scans came back with the worst sort of news. We're standing on fairly shaky ground already with hubby working contract work right now and our future fairly uncertain. It's easy to let my thoughts run away with me. And with all that tension, every ache I had over the last week, every emotion that was stronger than usual, was certain in my head that my health was less than stellar. I've had to work hard to give my worries to God and remember that he's in charge of everything, and he's never, ever let us down so far.
Today I received a call from the oncologist that my scans were in fact clear. I can't even say how much of a burden was lifted there. I actually cheered out loud. I can go into my appointment next week knowing already that she'll give me good news and I can breathe easy. At least until I'm waiting for the results from my next scan. ;-)
Last Monday I had a PET scan. These are always a source of stress for me, as I've had more of them than I can count and am just sick of the needle poke, the feel/taste of the contrast, the time out of my day... I'm just sick of them. This one in particular was causing me stress as I had had bronchitis the week before and it wasn't clearing up as I would have liked (it's still not entirely cleared up). Infections like bronchitis can cause the scans to 'glow' as they would if they showed cancer. I didn't want this to happen for two reasons: first, I didn't know how our new insurance would cover the scans (still don't), and didn't want to have to pay for two, and second, a false positive would have added to my stress about whether there could have been cancer there to light up along with the infection.
So there was a fair amount of tension coming into this scan. With that tension there already, it was easy to let my mind wander to what would happen if the scans came back with the worst sort of news. We're standing on fairly shaky ground already with hubby working contract work right now and our future fairly uncertain. It's easy to let my thoughts run away with me. And with all that tension, every ache I had over the last week, every emotion that was stronger than usual, was certain in my head that my health was less than stellar. I've had to work hard to give my worries to God and remember that he's in charge of everything, and he's never, ever let us down so far.
Today I received a call from the oncologist that my scans were in fact clear. I can't even say how much of a burden was lifted there. I actually cheered out loud. I can go into my appointment next week knowing already that she'll give me good news and I can breathe easy. At least until I'm waiting for the results from my next scan. ;-)
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Ouch
Monday, I ran 2.5 miles and then did a P90X Yoga workout. I really liked it! I'm hoping we can use that video some more. My parents have a copy of P90X and now I know why everyone says it's so tough! I've of course heard a lot about P90X, and I even know someone who has had amazing results with it. I'm not terribly interested in the whole program. I am not ready for that kind of discipline. It's an hour workout every day. Even the day you choose the yoga one we did Monday, you do a ballistic (moving while stretching) yoga for an hour. Whew.
Today is the second sleep after the new workout so of course I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. I'm glad I didn't have to do much today. C and I worked on her numbers, played board games, played outside, and read books all day, and I only had a 3 mile run during S's softball practice. Right after that A and C and I went to the park near the softball fields, and played until a bit after practice. Good relaxing day, thank goodness. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to move and cough without my ab muscles killing me, and be able to lift my arms over my head. Ha! After that sentence I'm amazed that I said I wanted to do it again sometime!
Today is the second sleep after the new workout so of course I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. I'm glad I didn't have to do much today. C and I worked on her numbers, played board games, played outside, and read books all day, and I only had a 3 mile run during S's softball practice. Right after that A and C and I went to the park near the softball fields, and played until a bit after practice. Good relaxing day, thank goodness. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to move and cough without my ab muscles killing me, and be able to lift my arms over my head. Ha! After that sentence I'm amazed that I said I wanted to do it again sometime!
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
An unprofessional survey
So I mowed the lawn tonight. As in, went outside a half hour before the sun set and wasn't done until a half hour after it went down. Now, my subdivision is in a township, so I don't think I have to worry about sound ordinances, but I do have a question about the politeness of mowing at night. I was thinking, as I mowed near the bedroom of one of our next door neighbor's children (I think, I've never been inside), that maybe some people don't like it when their neighbors mow after 'bedtime.'
Most of the people I talk to put their kids to bed around 8 or 8:30. Is it irritating to have a mower running nearby? We have the neighbors next door who have 3 small girls and ones across the street who have 2 small children, and next to them is a house with a brand new baby. So what do you think? Do you hate it when people near you run their mowers when your kid is sleeping? Are houses nowadays far enough from each other or well enough made that they probably didn't hear me?
Most of the people I talk to put their kids to bed around 8 or 8:30. Is it irritating to have a mower running nearby? We have the neighbors next door who have 3 small girls and ones across the street who have 2 small children, and next to them is a house with a brand new baby. So what do you think? Do you hate it when people near you run their mowers when your kid is sleeping? Are houses nowadays far enough from each other or well enough made that they probably didn't hear me?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)