Today I read this wonderful blog post. The author talks about the scars she has from surviving her own birth, as a twin born 3 months early and weighing just over 1 pound. Heart surgery, pneumonia and 3 months in the hospital later, she survived despite overwhelming odds against her.
The story reminded me of my own journey and how many scars I have from it. I have 6 biopsy scars and 4 port/line in scars. Plus I have a few 'chemo patches' as I call them where my skin darkened a bit from the effects of chemotherapy. I have a teeny-tiny tattoo (unnoticeable unless I show you, but I know it's there) in the middle of my chest from needing to line up a radiation machine. The veins in my arms roll from having been poked so many times for PET/CT scans and blood draws.
You know what these are? I'll tell you what they're not. They're not scary, depressing reminders of the pain I've been through. They used to be, that's for sure. When the pain and sickness were raw and fresh in my mind, that's what they were. I hated them. I didn't want to see them. Tough since two of them are pretty much right on my collarbone. I wanted them all covered up.
But now? Now that my vision is clearing and I'm starting to look into the past with fresh eyes? Now I'm actually proud of these scars. I'm proud of how far God has brought me, how much I can do physically again, how interesting and amazing a story I have. These scars are a badge of honor, a physical representation of the fact that God is with me always, and he saw me through such a very dark time. That's what these scars are.
You know, my odds were not as bad as some. But there was a 60% chance that the treatment would take away my cancer. Nearly even odds. My hubby put it best when we were in the midst of it... "I wouldn't take those odds on a bet." Not horrible odds, but not great. And now, 2 1/2 years after these treatments are behind me, I am running father than I ever though possible. And I am here. Here to boast in God's faithfulness to me. Here to love my husband. Here to enjoy my children. HERE.
Praise God. He is so faithful.
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