To my firstborn:

My darling daughter,

I have felt a tug at my heartstrings lately about how you need to hear more often how much I love you. I know that sometimes we disagree, sometimes it's hard to get along with everyone, but I love you forever just the same.

I am so very proud of you. I love watching you learn. You are learning so fast! I love to see you figure things out on your own, like a tough homework question or how to get along with your sisters. I love listening to all that you know; your memory is so good and you love to share what you know.

You are such a loving big sister to your younger sisters. Thank you so much for all the help you give me with them! You are so kind-hearted and loving.

I just wanted you to know that I can see that you are beautiful, inside and out. And I never want you to forget that.

I love you so,

Mommy

Stress partially lifted

Wow, thank you so for all your prayers. The PET scan went as well as can be expected, as uncomfortable as it has to be. I realized today that part of the problem with it all is that medical procedures almost always involve being uncomfortable in some way. Fasting, incisions, needles, ugh. But I do, from the very bottom of my heart, appreciate all the doctors that have worked so hard to get me well, that's for sure.

My body did not try to get sick after the contrast this time. That was a major plus. And the time went fairly quickly, as my sister got to go with me! That was fun. Laughing my way through it makes the experience much more bearable.

At least, as my sister pointed out, I got to have snacks! :) I do love that the PET center does that for us. They have crackers and cookies and juices and such available after the scan is over, which is nice of them, that they think of that.

And I WILL try to have a better attitude about tests. I think God challenged that a bit today. I'm struggling with learning to give things to him; especially tests and results. Today it was a heavy weight, the fact that the results were questionable from the last time, plus the experience of a rough scan the last time too. But I'm working to give it to God and take on His yoke instead. So it feels lighter, plus the fact that the scan went well (I even dozed off for a minute or two).

Thanks again for joining me on this journey. Your support is amazing and humbling to me. Love you all.

PET scan

I hate PET scans. I HATE THEM. I get an IV and have to sit on my duff for an hour while radioactive sugar circulates through my system. Then I lay in a fricken tube for 30 minutes while my arms fall asleep and they give me dye that my body is getting more and more sick of, to the point of nearly throwing up the last time I had it. Add to this time the fact that the last results were questionable, and now I'm worried about this one.

So today I find myself on the verge of tears, stressed enough that I'm snapping and yelling at the very three reasons I have to pray for a clear scan. Thank goodness kids are resilient. I pray they make it through this day, too.

I don't want to go. I don't want the restricted diet, the fasting, the IV. I don't want to sit around freaking out for an hour, I don't want to lay in an uncomfortable position for far too long. I hate waiting for results. I dread what would happen if the results are undesirable.

I am a SURVIVOR, damn it. I want to get past all this CRAP. Please God, see me past all this crap.

Merry Christmas!

I know I post a lot of lyrics, but being one who is not good at putting poems and such together, I admire people who can. I think that's a small part of why I like words to songs so much.

This is my favorite Christmas song for this year. It speaks of remembering WHY Christ came to earth for us, and the wonder we should have when thinking of Christmas. My favorite part is in bold.


I Celebrate the Day: Relient K

And with this Christmas wish is missed
The point I could convey
If only I could find the words to say to let You know how much You've touched my life
Because here is where You're finding me, in the exact same place as New Year's eve
And from a lack of my persistency
We're less than half as close as I want to be

And the first time
That You opened Your eyes did You realize that You would be my Savior
And the first breath that left Your lips
Did You know that it would change this world forever

And so this Christmas I'll compare the things I felt in prior years
To what this midnight made so clear
That You have come to meet me here

To look back and think that
This baby would one day save me
In the hope that what You did
That you were born so I might live
To look back and think that
This baby would one day save me

And I, I celebrate the day
That You were born to die
So I could one day pray for You to save my life

Have a great Holiday! Enjoy the people you get to spend these days with, celebrate the life God has laid in front of you, remember Him and why He came. Merry Christmas to you all!

Juno

We watched Juno a couple weeks ago. It's got a very folksy, fun soundtrack. My favorite song is "Anyone But You". The lyrics are kind of funky, except the line: "I don't know what anyone can see, in anyone else but you." That's my current favorite line from a song (those change fast for me, have you noticed?  :). But the song with the best overall lyrics from the movie is this one, called "All I Want is You."

If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and green
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and green
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a river in the mountains tall,
The rumble of your water would be my call.
If you were the winter, I know I'd be the snow
Just as long as you were with me, when the cold winds blow.

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a wink, I'd be a nod
If you were a seed, well I'd be a pod.
If you were the floor, I'd wanna be the rug
And if you were a kiss, I know I'd be a hug

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were the wood, I'd be the fire.
If you were the love, I'd be the desire.
If you were a castle, I'd be your moat,
And if you were an ocean, I'd learn to float.

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

Pictures test

Yeah, yeah, two in one night. You can ignore this one if you want; I'm just doing some testing with my new ability to upload picures with the faster internet and new post editor. Before I could only post a picture at the beginning of the post, and now I'm hoping to find out that I can do it throughout the text.

 Brilliant. I love this picture. This was taken just a few weeks ago at my sister in law's wedding. S read the scripture passage, and A and C were flower girls. Good times.

 

 This is why I love weddings. I love dancing with my husband!

Sweet.

Ahh, Technology...

...how I adore you. Hehe. Actually, I'm just truly geeked about our brand new shiny internet.

Up until now, we've been using dial-up. Yep, that's right. Our house has been stuck in the '90's, internet-wise. Finally we have cable internet and a wireless router. We've come into the present day! I can use my iPod anywhere in the house, and I'm no longer tied to the wall via the phone cord. I can't get over being excited about it. Of course, this isn't top of the line or the fastest you could possibly get or anything, but it works for what we do, and we can afford it, which was key! ;-)

Decorating

Wow, busy weekend. This is the weekend we put up our Christmas decorations! I also did most of my Christmas shopping today. I only have 5 more people to buy for, 4 more cheap exchange gifts to get, and my kids and husband to finish. That's pretty good, since I started with having to do all 4 sets grandparents, all 4 of our parents, 5 siblings (which is not all our siblings, but we did a name exchange with hubby's siblings), 4 kids' exchanges, 8 cheap party gifts... Whew!

After I came home we got pizza and put up the tree and decorations. It was great! I love putting on Christmas music and decorating the tree and the living room together. Unfortunately, we discovered that none of the 3 strands that we usually put outside the house are working, so I'm going to need to buy all new. Oh well.

My hubby and I are going to make a date out of buying the girls' gifts this year. We have a gift card to one of our favorite restaurants, and we will buy their stuff, see a movie, and go to a party that a bunch of my friends from High School are having.

I'm excited for the day and night with my husband! This time of the year is so busy. And even though that day will be full, I think it will all be relaxing, as they are all things we can take our time doing. And it will be relatively quiet! My kids are creative, loving, funny... but not quiet. I'm definitely looking forward to quiet.

Songs...

...Are such beautiful ways to express things. My new favorite Praise/Worship song is this one by Addison Road. I highly recommend you look it up on YouTube if you don't know it. I just love the words to this. What, really, do we know of God? The one who could snuff the earth out with a word? We make Him so small. Beautiful song.


What do I know of Holy? by Addison Road


I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all, no
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

(CHORUS 2)
What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life its name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?

(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?

A Breather

Whew! It has just been a whirlwind of a fall around here. Between Prince Charming starting classes, and S finishing soccer, and Wednesday night activities continuing, and a few trips out of town for me, and a sister-in-law getting married... and more! This has just been a crazy time of year. I found out I need to have a (very very minor) surgery on a dislocated vocal cord soon and I couldn't even find a weekend in October or November to do it! It has been go go go and I for one am ready for someone to stop the world so I can get off. My goodness.

S's soccer season ended well. She only played the one game I could go to because the last one (that I would have had to miss) was canceled due to all but 4 of her team being out sick, plus rain. She was bummed but it was kind of a relief for me... I hate missing those sorts of things.

My sister-in-law got married this weekend, so a BIG congratulations to them that neither of them will ever see because they don't read this blog! :) But I did say congrats TO THEM, of course, so it doesn't really matter. All I know is, I'm so glad they are happy, but I am also REALLY REALLY glad that day is over. It's not easy being the mommy of the flower girls! I know it's less stressful than being, say, the bride (voice of experience), but it's pretty stressful anyways. One torn dress, some tears, too many pictures, a mommy-daughter co-tantrum (in which C threw a fit and I carried her none-too-gently from the room), some life-changing vows, and some fun dancing later, it's over. *whew!!*

I've had a couple chances for some cool-off time over the last couple weeks, so that's been nice. I took a day trip to Chicago with my mom a while ago to help her teach a class at a librarian's conference, and two day from now (yay!) I'm going with a bunch of ladies on my mom's side to Chicago again for a shopping overnight. THAT is going to be fun. And loud.

Fair warning: I'm going to pat myself on the back for a few minutes. But I have to say I'm excited about this and it IS fairly life-impacting. I have been watching my calories and trying to add more exercise into my life since June, in an effort to look better by the wedding. This is the first family wedding (including my own) where I had not either just had a baby, been in the middle of a pregnancy, or been in the middle of chemo treatments for cancer. So I finally had a chance to try to look my best. Well, success! I am now 15 pounds lighter and have lost 12 inches from all over. I fit into single-digit jeans again!! Fantastic. That's going to make it more fun to try on clothes this weekend, too. I know there's still some pounds to come off, but outside of trying to keep exercising (which will be good for me anyway) and keeping track of my calories, I'm not going to stress over it. Just casually pay attention, and let my body get itself to where it needs to be.

I threw my second clothing swap Tuesday. These things are so much fun. I get a bunch of women together, and we all bring out our clothes that we're sick of or don't fit anymore. We lay/hang it all out in my living room, and then 'shop' through it. The rule is, first come, first served, and if it fits and you like it, you get to keep it! I think that everyone went home with something new-to-them. (I had a hard time paying attention to what everyone got...I was trying on a LOT of stuff.) It works out so well! And then we made a big donation to His Harvest Stand too. I also had a friend set up a table for her Discovery Toys business, and I know she made one sale and hopefully will make at least one more. So that was nice.

I've been reading a book called 'In Praise of the Stay at Home Mom,' by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. This book has been fantastic for me! I love that it articulates for me that SAHMs really do have a place in and a contribution to society. It's wonderful. And it has been encouraging me in the attitude I want to have toward caring for my children and my household, and loving my husband. Running the household so that my husband can de-stress after work, my kids can come home to a loving place after school, and we all can relax with each other every day is important to me. And I am praying for the patience to not only watch my kids grow up, but to delight in the fact that God has blessed us in such a way that I am the one who teaches them to walk in His ways. I am the one who sees their each new milestone, who can teach them right from wrong, to share, to care. It's a beautiful thing, and I'm so honored that I get to do it.

I just had a PET scan and will hopefully get results soon.

Well, the fall whirlwind is dying down a bit, but the holiday one is brewing on the horizon. Hopefully I can keep up with this in all the craziness. How many blogs do we read that say things like that? "I don't update enough!" Ah well, it's nice for me to be able to come back and re-read things I've written. It's encouraging to be able to see what has changed in our lives for the better. So I really do hope to keep keeping a record of what happens to us.

Fall Fun

I think we may have started a new tradition today. We went to a local apple orchard with my family and picked apples! I've never done that before. It was a lot of fun. My parents bought the girls their pumpkins for Halloween (which mean I don't have to, yay!) and we picked Honeycrisps and Red Delicious straight from the trees. Another first for me, I've never had a Honeycrisp apple before, so that was nice to finally taste one. Of course, everyone was right, it was the best apple I've ever had. Yum.

S only has 2 soccer games left, and I'm going to miss one as I'm going to Chicago for a day with my mom to help her give a speech at a conference. So I only have one game left to watch this year! I need to take some pictures, too! Good grief.

I came up with a new plan for getting some exercise in. My girls like to watch Sesame Street, and my parents live next door to us, and have a treadmill and TV in their basement. So we're going to buzz over there as often as possible, and I will walk on the treadmill while they snack and watch their show. It worked really well on Friday, so I'm excited about that.

One last note... It's October 10!! That means Christmas is a month and a half away! AHHH! I CANNOT believe how fast the time is going... it's crazy.

I am a sucker...

...for the words to love songs. The one I'm currently loving is called "Smile" by Uncle Kracker. I love the words. I love to think of my husband while I listen to the words. I know, I'm such a sap. A hopeless romantic, even.

SMILE, Uncle Kracker

You're better then the best
I'm lucky just to linger in your light
Cooler then the flip side of my pillow, that's right
Completely unaware
Nothing can compare to where you send me,
Lets me know that it's ok, yeah it's ok
And the moments where my good times start to fade

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like a bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile

Even when you're gone
Somehow you come along
Just like a flower poking the sidewalk crack and just like that
You steal away the rain and just like that

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like a bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile

Don't know how I lived without you
Cuz everytime that I get around you
I see the best of me inside your eyes
You make me smile
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like a bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile


I'm so glad to have shared 9 years of my life, and 6 1/2 years of marriage, with you, my love. Thanks for loving me, too.

Alumni Band Night

Tonight is alumni band night at the local football game. Since I left the high school, the district had to add another high school, and somebody over there had the brilliant idea that when the two high schools played each other in football, they'd invite alumni to play the two school songs and the national anthem. So I hauled out my trumpet the other day for the first time in something like 4 years.

I've played a couple times since high school, in fact, for a couple months during the year after high school I was in a local trumpet group that played at a couple churches. And once I played in a BIG Easter celebration at our church. However, it's been years since I played for longer than just the B flat scale to see if I could still remember it.

Prince Charming was a drummer in high school and played bass drum in marching band so he's going to play tonight too, and my brother-in-law played snare so he's going to play too! This should be a good time!

I've played a couple of times through the national anthem, but I can't make my brain match up the school song tune that I have in my head with the music that is on the page I printed off. I play by ear (mostly), which for me means I can play a piece of music once I know what the tune is supposed to sound like. So, play me the tune while I'm looking at the sheet of music once or twice and I'll be able to play it fairly well after that. But I can't just look at a sheet of music and know what it's supposed to sound like. I know, after 6 years of music education, you'd think I'd be able to do that, but I can't.

I'm hoping the girls will be able to go to the game to watch us play, but when your babysitters do the babysitting for free, you can't be too choosy! My in-laws are watching the girls and they might not be able to take them all out there. So next year we'll try to make the plans more in advance and get them to the game to see us. We'll have a better idea of what's going on, too. I don't even know for sure if my hubby and I will be able to stay for the game. It'll be pretty packed (Being a "home" game for both teams, and all). Actually, if they don't go, we can use the money I set aside for their tickets in to the game for a nice dessert for hubby and I. So if they can come, that would be really fun, but if they can't, we get a mini-date night! So that's cool too. :)

All I know is, I just LOVED marching band in high school, and I can't wait for this chance to experience it again. Very nostalgic.

I Wish...

...That I could tell a fantastic, witty, sometimes challenging story like the author of another blog I read. If you're a mom or will be some day or like to read stories about parenting, you should check out mycharmingkids.net. She's a great writer and a whole lot more interesting than I am. I feel like my posts just end up being lists of what we do... maybe it will come with practice.

We are deep into the swing of things here. S has started her soccer games. For some reason they put her age group on a smaller field this year. They can't put as many kids on the field and I think they're getting cheated out of learning how to really PLAY, which is what it should be about at this age. I agree with them not teaching off-sides or any of the REALLY difficult concepts, but they should be able to learn the positions and where they're allowed to go on the field and those things. S's age is not focusing on these things. It's odd. But, at least she is having fun. She is one of the most aggressive on her team so she gets the ball a lot and even scored a couple goals the first game. That was cool.

A has begun preschool and loves it, for the most part. It freaked her out a little bit the first week. I think she expected it to be more like three school than it actually ended up being, and that worried her a little bit. She was actually in tears the first day, and sometimes now, still, she stresses a bit before we get there. But she's adjusting and it's going better and better. She really loves her teachers, and yesterday they brought home a little book they had 'written.' She was so excited that she could 'read' it! It was a great introduction to reading/writing. I like the way our school system is doing preschool, I think.

C went to storytime at the library yesterday all by herself. She does so well with storytime and Sunday school and such. She sits back for a minute and watches, takes it all in and makes sure she knows what's going on. Then, when she's sure of herself, she jumps in with both feet and quickly becomes one of the more enthusiastic participants! In fact, often she's TOO enthusiastic. Often I need to tell her to quiet down! We're still working on that idea. LOUD is her favorite volume. This also makes taking her to church interesting... she doesn't really know how to whisper yet.

The older two are in Wednesday night programming. Both girls love their classes. I think our church does a fantastic job with it. And, when we go, we get dinner at church! This means that I don't have to cook! Yay! So I love Wednesday night stuff, too. I plan to help for a little while with A's class, just until they get more enthusiastic people to help out. That age group makes me shudder! I'm just not cut out to work with that many little kids for that long. But anyway, until we find people to take over that spot, I'll be helping out. Prince Charming is getting involved too. He was asked to be a Middle School youth leader this year. He's looking forward to it, and I'm a bit jealous because that's the group I want to work with! But I'm glad he got to get involved, I think it's going to be a good time.

Soon volleyball will start back up. I took last year off because I was doing Chemo treatments in October (when volleyball starts), had my transplant (and therefore a compromised immune system) in November, and then radiation (some of which affected my lungs) in February/March (when volleyball ends). So it was a painful decision, but I took a year off, and I can't WAIT to get back in to it. It's a good night off, and good exercise, too!

That's how our fall is going. I hope yours is going well, too! I also hope to remember to get on here and record the cute little stories from our everyday lives more often, too. Maybe then I won't feel like I have to do these huge update lists all the time!

"Fall" Happenings

**Post full of random thoughts WARNING**

I say "fall" because yesterday was only the unofficial beginning of fall. Doesn't make it any less busy for this family, though! We have something going every single night this week. Tomorrow is a casual kick-off for some of the teams at church (Hubby is going because he's a youth leader, I'm going because I'm a singer... those kinds of teams), Thursday night is A's meet-the-teacher. Friday is S's next soccer practice, Saturday is Prince Charming's birthday, S's first game, and a neighborhood Block Party. Sunday is our church's kickoff! Sheesh. And the rest of our September doesn't get much slower. I love everything that starts in September, but with meeting teachers and having parties for kick-offs and everything, that first month is a doozy!

I harvested my first tomato a couple days ago. It was good! Flavorful and juicy. Yum! I was so excited to pick it, I actually had to let it ripen a few more days inside before I ate it, but it was worth it. I have at least 2 more ready for harvest tomorrow. And bonus...my grandma was over today and told me how to ripen any green ones that might be on the plants when the first hard freeze happens. I love having tomatoes in my garden! Next year, though, I'll have to plant it around the corner. I think the monster tomato "bush" I got took a bunch of nutrients from my poor, tortured rose bushes.

Those two will be getting babied by me next year. Since we moved in I've been letting the rabbits naturally 'trim' them over the winter. Well, last winter, with all the snow, the dumb animals absolutely decimated one of the rose bushes. So I've learned my lesson and I'll be covering them this year. Besides, they look kind of scraggly and need to be trimmed into a nice shape anyway.

Right, that's not really 'fall' stuff. And neither will this be... And I can't believe I didn't write about this before, but C turned 3 last week Monday. It's just amazing and shocking to think that my youngest is 3. The years of her little life have just been too chock-full... it's crazy. Hopefully our lives will shift out of the absolute fast-forward they have been.

Anyway, this fall is a bittersweet one for me. C will be off to preschool next year, so this year is my last one with a kid home full-time. A is super thrilled about preschool starting Monday. S loved her first day back, 2nd grade, and can't wait to go again tomorrow. And I love that they love it so much. That healthy love of learning is a wonderful thing.

Whew, what a lot of rambling. I knew going in to this post that I was just going to type about whatever came to my head! That's the beauty of not having many followers, I don't need to worry about making any sense! :)

Teachable Moments

I've decided I need God to start holding up a sign for me at important times. And I hope this picture works...

For those who don't watch Big Bang Theory, first of all, WATCH IT!! It's fantastic and sarcastic and funny and witty. Anyway, for those who don't watch it, Sheldon is a brilliant scientist with absolutely no social skills. I don't know how it all came about, as I missed this particular episode, but one of the things Sheldon has the most trouble understanding is sarcasm. So Leonard, his friend and roommate, makes a sign that he ends up holding up when someone is using sarcasm so Sheldon doesn't accidentally take them seriously. I'm sure it was all much funnier than I just made it. Anyway, all of that to say that the episode gave me an idea of something that sure would be nice in my life.

Wouldn't it be nice if, when we're going through our daily lives, God would show us a little white sign that said something like 'teachable moment' or 'chance to model Christ,' or something like that? I have many times gotten the girls in bed, and the Holy Spirit, or perhaps just my own conscience feeling guilty, starts to nudge me about how I missed this little thing I could have taught the girls, or that little moment where I could have loved them better, and so on and so forth. Wouldn't a little white sign be great for those times?

Of course, I know that life isn't that obvious, and I also know that God has given us the Holy Spirit to nudge us DURING those moments, too. We just need to learn to listen a little better, huh? But I sure could use one of those signs every once in a while! :)

On another note, we had a great day today. We spent our second day in a row in someone's pool, and will probably go in my folks' tomorrow again. It's FINALLY been hot enough here to actually go swimming. The girls had fun paddling around with Mommy and Daddy and Grandpa. S has been getting braver and braver. Today she started learning how to put her face under water without plugging her nose, and she did handstands and cartwheels off the bottom of the shallow. She's really getting brave about it all. The other two paddle around with swimmies and other 'floaties' too. It's fun to watch, as we can kind of relax, just watch instead of having to hover.

Of course, today was also the second day in a row where nobody got a nap! So dinner time until bedtime was kinda crabby. But overall we had a great day together. I love days that we can spend as a family just relaxing and having fun.

My mother-in-law made Apple Crisp today (she's a fantastic baker) and promised to bring us some on Monday, as it wouldn't be done by the time we left their house. But they dropped it off tonight! After the girls were in bed, so I couldn't give it to them to get rid of it! It's calling to me, but I must resist. I've been dropping a couple pounds and don't want to ruin the good day, food-wise, that I had today.

Tomorrow I have to spend extended periods of time with the side of my family that I don't really care for. (My own family, not Prince Charming's family. His whole family is great.) I will need copious amounts of patience! I've been praying for God to help me with it since this morning. I plan to take many deep breaths and bite my tongue if I need to!

Artsy

 
So I've never really had an artistic side. Yesterday I described it as very small, rather anemic, and that is very true. I can't draw. I can play music on my trumpet by ear but cannot READ music. (Well, I could when I played a lot. I could again if I practiced, I imagine.) I can't write poems, and even have a hard time appreciating or even really understanding the more complex ones.

But lately, the thin voice of my artistic side has been calling out to me lately. "Feed Me! Use Me!" Hehe. Anyway, I've felt like I've needed some sort of outlet for something, without really knowing what it is. Hopefully taking and editing and posting and maybe printing some adorable pictures of my kids will be a creative outlet for me. I do like scrapbooking, too. I should get back on some of those. I'm way behind...

Anyway, one of the blogging moms I follow (mycharmingkids.net) is a professional photographer, and she posts the MOST ADORABLE pictures of her kids. It's amazing. But it made me think, hey, I've got a digital camera and a photo editor. Maybe I could take some of the pictures of my kids and edit them!

So I LOVE Picasa right now. I can use the convenient little buttons, and I just punch buttons until I think the picture looks good. There's a handy 'undo' of course, if that particular change didn't work, so that's nice. The above picture is one of my favorite ones I just did on Picasa. I may be printing this one off. I'm going to try to figure out how to blog a whole bunch of pictures. I may post a link to my online album. We'll see.

Breath Prayers

One of the things I've discovered work best for me as far as keeping "in touch" with God all during the day are what I've seen described as "breath prayers." These are just a few words at a time that you say in prayer... duh. They're pretty self-explanatory, huh?

Anyway, lately one of my breath prayers has been "God, help us with our finances." We've known for a couple months that the amount we'd be able to set aside for healthcare vs. the amount healthcare would actually cost did not match up. So I've been praying that God would provide. And today, he did. For the first time in a few months my hubby's work received a bonus. It meant we could cover the discrepancy in healthcare costs, AND buy Sarah's school supplies, AND even have a little left over for a night out. So God is taking care of our needs and even providing for our desires.

My breath prayer has changed! Now it's "Thank you for caring for us, Daddy God." :) I love my Abba, I just gotta say.

A Hair-Pulling Day

Oh, man today was a frustrating day. I hope I'm not the only mom who has days like today! There was much screaming and arguing and just many many difficulties today.

So to relieve frustrations I went for a four mile bike ride. I just pedaled as hard as I could, especially on the couple small hills, and tried to leave my anger on the road. I'm praying it stays out there, because I don't need any more days like today. I know life isn't perfect and days like today happen sometimes, but the fewer, the better.

I've actually been really, really proud of my girls this summer. Part of their VBS program this summer is to memorize two scripture passages every two weeks all summer. Plus, S can memorize all 66 books of the bible, and A can memorize the names of the 12 disciple for an extra treat at the end of the summer. The director mentioned to me that it might be something like a gift certificate to a local ice cream shop or something.

Anyway, they've been really good at the verses. We work on one each week and then say them to the volunteers every other Sunday. For the first couple days I say it and they repeat it to me. Even little C lisps out entire verses! They usually have them pretty much down pat by Wednesday. I hope it gives them an enthusiasm for reading the bible. It has helped us start a morning bible study, too.

Insanity

They (whoever 'they' are...) say that the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over while expecting a different outcome. Turns out, that is also the definition of a two-year-old.

My particular two-year-old was riding her tricycle this afternoon. She happened to get a wheel of the trike stuck on the tire of the van when she was riding the trike in and out of the garage. So her solution was to drive the trike forward about a foot, and then back it up straight back where it was! It just made me giggle to watch her. She did it about 4 times before she finally got frustrated enough to ask for help.

No, I don't think C is insane, but that she hasn't developed any common sense! And she sure was cute!

Some Thoughts

Because of God's justice he cannot dismiss your sin, but because of his love he cannot dismiss you. So, in an act which stunned the heavens, he punished himself on the cross for your sins. God's justice and love are equally honored. ~Max Lucado

I'm reading The Great House of God by Max Lucado right now. The book is full of amazing things to think about. The above quote is so far my favorite. I've never been able to really express, even to myself, why God did what He did. To me, this quote takes everything I believe as one who follows Christ and makes it palatable. God is just, but God is loving. In order to honor both of his attributes, he offered himself up for our sins.

Last week, my pastor put it this way. God is a Merciful-Consuming Fire. He is Just. He is Holy. He wants us to be holy. But He is Merciful. And because He is merciful, He is willing to give us a million chances to be Holy as He is Holy. And through Christ he gave us a means to claim those million chances. We have only to believe that Christ died to take away our sins, to confess our sins, and God adopts us into his family and forgives everything we confess. Amazing.

25 things about me.

I did this first on Facebook, and changed a few things to be more accurate. I like the list, though, so I thought I'd post it here so I can come back to it sometimes.

1) My husband and I are true blue high school sweethearts. We met in high school (band, even, as if we needed proof we are geeks), dated as soon as we both were allowed, and got married directly out of high school.

2) I was born in South Carolina, lived there for a year till my dad got out of the marines, and now I've lived in Michigan my entire life. It was 104 degrees the day I was born, now I sometimes see 30 degrees on my birthday. In May.

3) I played trumpet in high school band.

4) My favorite food is lasagna.

5) I have the craziest, loudest family I have ever met. We used to scare my friends, and now it's a family joke that 'if you can survive the Bouwkamps/Jagers, you're a keeper.'

6) I'm 24 years old. In the 6 1/2 years since high school, I've had 3 kids, owned 2 houses, had 2 rounds of chemo, had one bone marrow transplant, and I'm about to do radiation.

7) I was on the equestrian team in high school even though I've never owned a horse. I borrowed 3 different horses in 4 years on the team. It's a lifelong dream to own a horse someday.

8) I'm a member of 'the Circle' and I've been to 'the Gathering' twice. Sounds cultish, huh? It's actually a website and an event for fans of Ted Dekker. We went the first time to meet friends from the site, and we go back because it was so much fun.

9) We didn't get to go this year, though, due to the dumb economic down-turn and subsequent cutting of Kevin's hours.

10) My favorite song right now is “Lead me to the Cross” by Hillsong United.

11) My favorite books are the Twilight series. Yeah, teen fiction. So what.

12) I worked at two different stores when I was in high school. Both of them have closed.

13) I once owned a dog and a cat named 'Calvin' and 'Hobbes.'

14) I once owned two cats named 'Jack' and 'Russel.' We wanted a dog, you see...

15) I've never smoked a cigarette in my entire life, not even one puff. I didn't hang out with people who were rule-breakers, that's for sure.

16) I'm the shortest adult in my family so far. (I say so far because my siblings aren't married yet.)

17) I owned a convertible in high school.

18) I live in a subdivision in the country. I've had cows walk through my yard. It's an odd mix of rural and suburban life.

19) My favorite movie is P.S. I love you.

20) I've only met two people who spelled their nickname the same way I spell mine (Nicky). One was a guy. I've never met anyone who spelled their full name the same way (Nichola). I've read books with 'Nickys' in them, or seen ads for movies, but they're always guys.

21) I have a teeny tiny tattoo, the size of a fine-point pen mark. It's for my radiation...but getting it has made me consider getting a real one. I just may do it after my treatments are done, to celebrate. Plan is to get it on August 10^th.

22) I do laundry twice a week. Is that weird? Oh well, it's better than going naked while trying to cram 8 loads into one day...

23) I live in Michigan and don't own any snowpants. I had to borrow some the last time I went sledding.

24) There are more kids movies on my DVD rack than Grown-up movies.

25) I've been to the Philippines and the Dominican Republic, but never out west. And never to Boston in the fall.

Farmer's Market

I took the girls to the Farmer's Market in Downtown Holland today. They do a market every Wednesday and Saturday. Wednesdays are kids days, so they had hula hoops and jump ropes and sidewalk chalk out. I think they were doing activities too, but I checked the brochure and it didn't look like anything interesting so we went on. Maybe the next time we go it'll be a more interesting activity and I can let the girls hang out for a while and I'll sit around and watch. Today there was a guy playing a banjo. My kids love to put coins in their open cases when musicians are playing. He was pretty good, too.

I'm once again getting used to having all three of them in tow. During the school year I saved my errands for when the older two were both in school. Having them all along is really not as hard as it used to be, they get better at sticking by me as they get older and I just strap the littlest in the stroller! She can't wander away that way! :)

Anyway, I picked up some strawberries, blueberries and apples. One of my favorite parts of summer is having berries sitting out that everyone can just snack on. Fresh blueberries are my favorite!

I ended up buying too many strawberries, and quite a few of them got smashed on the way home (don't know how that happened, with 3 girls in tow...ha!). So, I looked up an easy, no-pectin (as I didn't have any in the house) strawberry jam recipe. The only problem is that it called for the jam to reach 220 degrees, and I don't have a candy thermometer! So I decided to wing it. I brought it to a rolling boil, like it said, then let it boil until it was going to overflow my pot. Now, we will see how close I got by whether or not the jam sets. It's in the fridge right now but it's still pretty warm. If it doesn't turn into jam, I plan on making a sweet bread I improvised a couple of weeks ago and using the strawberry stuff as a dessert topping. I did dip a finger in it, and it is certainly sweet enough! So either way we'll get a treat.

Over a year...

I've been thinking back recently and it dawned on me it's been over a year since my 2nd Hodgkin's diagnosis. We got the awful CT scan results in late May '08, PET scan results in early June '08, and the biopsy was one year ago this past Saturday (June 27, '08). I'm seven months and eleven days post-transplant. I thought I'd give a few details about how I'm doing.

I can tell my voice is coming back. Actually, the way I can tell is kind of odd... I am able to sing on-key at quieter volumes. I was singing along with my iPod, which was in the other room, on-key and quietly the other day. I know, odd way to tell, but it was my clue that I was getting it back.

My hair is growing back! It's a good 2, 2 1/2 inches long now. And it's nice and thick. So that's a blessing. But there's a bonus! It's coming in with nice gold highlights to it. Double blessing!

I've dropped running. I may go back to it someday, but for now it's just too rough on my lungs and I was no longer enjoying it. I've been doing some biking. In fact I need to do it more. But the fact that I am able to exercise feels good and tells me I'm getting better!

Swimming

My parents and my in-laws both have pools and now that the kids are older and we don't have to worry about them wandering off the edge of the pool unexpectedly...we can spend more time swimming. We went to my parents' tonight.

I love watching the girls play and wander around and S and A can both take care of themselves (with adults nearby, don't worry), so Price Charming and I can relax most of the time. Before when they were ALL little, we had to watch them and hold them all the time and swimming was not very relaxing.

We had a Funniest Home Videos moment! I was helping C swim around with a noodle, and Prince Charming went to blow the water out of the noodle. Unfortunately, I straightened the noodle right toward my face at the same time and ALL the water in the noodle went in my face and up my nose! Haha! Too bad we didn't have a camera running, cause it was funny. Of course I had to dunk him after that!

Hopefully we will spend lots of time at the pools this year. It's nice that it's actually fun for everyone now.

Potty Training

I know, stay-at-home moms blog about such exciting things, huh??

But we're pretty excited. We were just starting to wonder how we were going to be able to keep affording C's diapers as hours got cut at my hubby's work and we had to tighten the belt. Well, with something like 8 diapers left in the box, that small problem was solved!

Nearly 2 weeks ago, C walked up to Daddy and said, "I have to go potty!" Well, since her diaper was dry, we figured, what the heck. He walked her to the bathroom and put her on the potty, and lo and behold, she went! And then, believe it or not, she only had one accident that day. And she stayed dry ALL NIGHT!! That was most amazing. She's actually only had 5 accidents in 12 days, and all of her accidents have happened when she was on her way to the bathroom, or already there. So we knew she knew what she was doing, she just needed to do it a little earlier!

Actually, she sets a record for our kids... she potty trained the earliest. Both her sisters trained the week they turned three. Thankfully, though, they've all trained just as easily as she did. Maybe there is something to waiting for them to come up with the idea on their own... I don't know. I certainly don't have anything to brag about, because I had virtually nothing to do with it.

But I certainly am happy! Between the diapers, wipes, and diaper genie refills, that saves us at least $40 a month. Nice. And, really, I think this was mostly God. That he was helping her figure it out so we could save some money in our budget. So I'm still thanking him for that. He does care about those details, after all.

Summer Vacation

Well, here we go. Today is the first day of summer break. 3 girls home all day, every day for 3 months. May I just say, I'm not a fan of summer break...

Hopefully I can make it good. I've got some plans! We're going to take our bikes (the younger 2 in the burley) to town every Monday, and go to the Library and to the park, weather permitting. The older two have VBS one morning every two weeks. I think that's a pretty brilliant idea by our church. Hopefully it'll keep them interested in it all summer. Then, on the opposite weeks of VBS, I'm taking them to my grandmother's house on Thursday mornings for a couple hours. This way I can get some grocery shopping done and they can get out of the house some more. S has a day camp the last week of July.

Since the older two are mostly self-sufficient in the pool now, I can probably take them to my folks' and my in-laws' pools by myself a few times. In fact, S would like to be able to swim across the pool so she can pass the swimming test at camp and use the whole pool. We'll be making that a priority.

There's always walks around the neighborhood, and the library will have things going on, I just don't know what they are yet... they haven't posted anything. And I'm the new organizer for our church's playgroup. I need to get my rear in gear for that and get a summer schedule out. Sigh. Maybe I have too much to do! Ha. Just kidding. We like to be busy with this fun stuff.

Prince Charming and I leave tomorrow night for a few days to spend some time alone. We're going somewhere with no responsibilities and no set schedule! We're looking forward to sleeping in and literally ONLY doing what we feel like doing. I can't wait. 3 nights and 3 days without having to get up at 6:30 with the kids! :D And they're looking forward to going to my folks' house. Grandma lets them stay up late! Hehe. It'll be nice for us all.

Mawwaige...

Yeah, just a little Princess Bride humor to start some thoughts on marriage. I know it's cliche', but I never knew I could actually LIKE sharing my life with someone else as much as I do. I love having someone who comes home to me at the end of every day. Most days, I love being able to have the house clean and the food started when he comes home. I figure, he makes the money, I can at least keep the house clean. Next step for myself is to get better at mothering the children, but that is off-topic.

I've discovered that the funniest little things can make me fall in love with my Prince Charming all over again. For example, my latest catalyst for that was a snapshot my grandma had on her wall. My grandpa had taken it during the picture time on our wedding day. It shows an intimate moment, of Prince Charming and I leaning toward each other, laughing at some funny moment. There were many, our photographer was a card, but I don't remember exactly what we were laughing about. I don't even know why I love the picture so much. It just evoked these wonderful feelings in me all over again, so I went crazy and made all kinds of copies. I'll put two in a couple scrapbooks, I put one on the wall in the living room, and one on my nightstand. It makes me smile every time I look at it. Anyway, my point is that one of the great things about marriage is that these feelings of love can come rushing in at any time and from wonderful, myriad sources. I love that about marriage.

I'm also looking forward to our vacation in a week and a half. We're going to a small cottage instead of taking some big expensive trip. But we'll have no internet access, no kids, no responsibilities. We don't even plan on leaving the cottage for more than a walk or two over the two days. I can't wait to not have any reason to stress, get up early, or anything. I love getting away together...I love that about marriage.

I've been getting up earlier than the girls for a couple months in order to have time to read various devotional books and try to relax before I'm hit with the responsibility and craziness of the day. I've borrowed a book from a relative, The Power of a Praying Wife. The problem is I've had it for a couple years now! So I'm finally going to get through it. I'm going to have to be disciplined in getting up early after school is out, but I want to pray for him and for our marriage. I've gotten about 3/4 of the way through the book so far, and I like the things in it. I like that it starts with praying for myself, that if there is anything that needs to be changed in our marriage, I will pray for the change to start with me. I love being able to pray for him, and for us...I love THAT about marriage.

So that is my prayer and the things I have been thinking about lately. That our marriage will grow and change to be the union God wants it to be. That we will continue to have those moments or catalysts that make us fall in love all over again, and have them often. I love being married, I REALLY love the man I'm married to, and I can't wait to see what the future holds for us.

'The girl with the cancer'

I was thinking today about some of the things I've been through and what I thought about it, and wanted to give you some insights. I know I never know how to relate to someone who's been through a trauma I never have (heck, I have a hard time relating to people who've been through the same traumas I have), and maybe this will help someone understand some of what I'm feeling.

Recently I was attending an event with a lot of people coming and going, some from our church, some I'd never met before. I was sitting and chatting with some people when an older woman I didn't know turned around. She was someone I'd never met before, but because of what she said and what she made me think about, I'll never forget her face!

She turned right to me and asked, "are you the girl with the cancer?" After lots of probing questions over the years, I'm kind of used to people just knowing me without me knowing them. So I answered her as I try to answer most of the questions I get about treatments and such, as upbeat-ly as possible.

But after the encounter, I started thinking. To how many people am I 'the girl with cancer'? Am I okay with that? I'm torn about whether or not I am.

I think the selfish parts of me would rather live in obscurity than to have to be known in conjunction with the infamous 'C word'. I would rather go my own way than be looked at with pity.

Of course, on the other hand, the part of me that tries not to be selfish sees that there is much to be thankful for. I have my health back, for as long as God sees fit to grant it to me. And maybe, just maybe there's someone out there who has been affected by my story. I hope so.

Sorry this will be VERY long, but again, these are things I've thought about that I wanted to share.

My favorite memory from all this (amazing that there can be many bright spots in it all)... One day our pastor was speaking in church. He was talking about a daughter church of ours located in inner-city Atlanta, Georgia. Our church had just given them a gift, I think of computers or something. In return, they wanted to offer up prayers for something that needed lots of prayer in our church at that moment.

Our pastor said to them, "well, in our church right now there are three young families that are just going through hell. One or both parents in these families have cancer or major health issues. There are 9 (10? I'm not sure anymore) children represented in these families. They need prayers RIGHT NOW." And the other pastor said "Ok. Give me their names (and, I think he asked for pics...) and our congregation will pray for them by name."

Amazing!! Incredible!! I burst into tears right there. First, that wonderful request: we want to pray for your church to thank you. Then, that God brought us three families to our pastor's mind. Then, that they, who don't know us at all, would pray for us by name.

What really blows me away now, thinking about it, is that there are many, many other people who have done the same thing for us. They don't know us at all, and yet, when someone mentioned us to them, or asked them to pray for us, they dropped to their knees (literally or figuratively) and prayed for us. There are so many out there who are doing this for us, whether they know us or not.

I can't wait to thank them someday. I can't wait to personally thank every single one of you who's ever prayed for me or done something to help us through all this. I can't wait to celebrate our eternal bodies together, where the threat of cancer will never lurk.

For now, though, know this: I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Kevin does too. For me, say a thank you to everyone you've asked to pray for us. I know I can't reach all of them, but I hope you can help me. I really and truly am grateful for every word of prayer that's been said on our behalf.

Praying

About a year or so ago I stumbled upon the story of a family in NC who was going through quite the ordeal. The wife has CF, and just when she got on the transplant list for a new set of lungs, they found out she was pregnant. Their baby was born prematurely in an emergency C-section to save the life of mommy and baby. The surgery worked, the baby was born healthy but very premature. She's now over a year old. Mommy was immediately placed back on the transplant list after the birth, and now has her new lungs. They've been doing well. So I've been praying for them, and I follow them on Twitter and through his blog.

Well, he's got two (well, many, but these two I've become interested in) friends in the blogging community who are also going through ordeals. The first I found is a micro-preemie ( I don't have that much info) who went through a surgery recently and now is suddenly brain-dead, they think from a stroke or something. She had been doing miraculously well, and they desire prayer that God is not finished working miracles in this baby's life.

The second is a blogger called MckMama. I think I will really enjoy following her blog. She's a bit more 'earthy' and 'organic' than I am, but maybe I can learn a few things from her. She calls her self 'a sinner saved by the King's grace'. Fantastic. Anyway, her youngest was born with congestive heart issues and was in surgery yesterday.

I love the internet. I've experienced the blessings that come from being able to tell hundreds (or in these people's cases, thousands) of people at a time what is going on during a difficult time. It's amazing. I don't even know these people and yet I get the chance to bring them before God's throne and ask for his blessing to be breathed into their lives. Amazing.

Trying to develop a green thumb...

I've been trying to grow some plants inside this spring. I was too eager and I started them really early! Now the flowers got too big for their little planter, and I had to transplant them. But then the cat was sitting in the pot! Rrgh. Even spanking him for it didn't help. But I have a smart hubby! He thought of turning one of my clear mixing bowls upside down and putting it over top of the pot. It's just perfect, fits right inside the handles of the pot. Lets the plants breath and get sunshine, but the cat hasn't tried to sit in it since.

My tomato plants need to be transplanted next. They're getting really tall, too big to be supported by the box, and they're getting root-bound so they dry out every other day or so. It has to stop being so stinking cold! I have no where to go with them. Next year I won't start my plants so early.

At least they are all healthy! Maybe my thumb is greener than I thought.

Growing up

We have taken C's high chair out of the dining room! She's graduated to a booster seat, and using the stools at the counter with her big sisters. They eat at the counter for breakfast and lunch and we eat around the table as often as possible for supper. Her first meal in the booster made hubby and I sad! We don't know if we'll ever have another baby, and so our 'baby' is grown out of her high chair!

Next step is graduating her from her crib. She keeps crawling out of it anyway. That'll make us sad, too. We have guests coming up to visit us during Tulip time, in 2 1/2 weeks. They'll be staying down in the basement bedroom, which S has to herself right now. It will be easiest to only move her out of that room for that weekend, instead of both of the older two. So after our friends go home, we'll move A downstairs, where she can use the bunk beds with her big sister. Then, C can have the 'big girl bed,' which is a crib converted to a day bed. Amazing how fast that came up. I'm not ready for it, but she is, so it's time. After that we'll be potty training her! Good grief.

We've been changing some other stuff in the house too. We rearranged our bedroom, which gave us all kinds of more room. That was nice. And we got a new, 8' bookcase in the living room, and a flat-screen TV (for Christmas), so we moved some things in the living room too. It feels so nice and roomy in there now.

Save me!

Yikes! Spring break with nowhere to go! Whatever will I do??

Actually, the girls were good today. They keep themselves fairly busy and as long as I can keep them from destroying each others' projects or screaming their heads off at each other we're good.

Tomorrow we head to the library. C's laptime class is doing an Easter egg hunt, and the teacher said I could bring S and A, as well. Unfortunately I'm sure I won't be the only one bringing older siblings. That could get downright hectic. Hopefully she won't be trying to be too organized.

Wednesday they're doing supper at church, which saves me from having to cook and gets the kids out of the house again. Should be good.

And the temperatures start going up Wednesday! That means I can kick the older two outdoors if they get too annoying. ;)

I plan to let them get plenty of library books tomorrow, too. That will keep S occupied quite a bit. She's starting to like reading just for the fun of reading. Hopefully she holds onto that for the rest of her life. She comes from a line of readers on my side!

We should have a pretty good spring break. I'll be spending a LOT of time praying for patience.

Brotherly love

I got a really neat message from my 'little' brother today on facebook. I say 'little' because he's literally a foot taller than me. He's 6' 6", I'm 5' 6". But he is younger, 2 1/2 years.

Anyway, he basically said to me that he feels like he wants to be a lot closer to each other than we were in our childhood, and WAY closer to each other than our dad and his family are. Let's just say they haven't been the best example of sibling love. f

What a pick-me-up! My little brother is such a great guy. He's funny and sarcastic and laid-back. And he's taught me a thing or two about learning to control the temper we both inherited from my dad. I'm so thrilled that he feels the same way I do about not wanting to lose touch.

I have my mantras

Right now I've got two little girls who stay home with each other, one in the prime of her tattling stage and one who thinks she's the queen of our family (she's wrong of course, that would be me. Heh). Sometimes the only thing that gets me through an argument between them is a meaningful mantra, something to repeat to myself to re-center my mind on peace between them and teaching them as God wants me to.

I've said things like 'meet them where they are.' Obviously, my kids have only been around for a few years and they have not learned the proper way to interact with other people. I need to get on their level and walk them through every single step of how to talk and discuss things with their sisters and parents.

To be honest, that's been one of the hardest things to keep in mind. They're immature, they're human, they're born sinful. Just as Christ meets us where we are to bring us to him, I must meet them where they are to teach them what is right. And pray with all my strength that God turns us all into the people he wants us to be.

Home again, home again.

What a great weekend! I got some great Easter dresses and shirts for the girls, a couple things for the house, some things for Kevin, and even a nativity scene and an advent calendar! I wasn't so lucky in the clothes department for myself, though. That was disappointing.

We went to Bronner's CHRISTmas wonderland. Wow, talk about sensory overload. There's a TON of ornaments to look at, and then if you look up, the walls near the ceiling are lined with big Christmas decorations, too. We discovered we were missing a lot of the decorations cause it's so hard to look everywhere at once! Oh well, I guess that just means we'll have to go back.

It rained the entire time we were trying to shop, so we were a bit cold! But we still did all right hitting the sales. :D

All in all I'm so glad I spent the weekend with those ladies. We had such a great time, and laughed so much! It really refreshed me.

Girl Time!

I'm heading out for a weekend with my favorite grown-up women in the world today! My Mom, my sister, my aunt, my grandma, two cousins and I are all going to stay in a hotel near a really nice strip mall this weekend! We're going to shop, eat out, shop, eat out... hehe! And probably do some hot-tubbing and chatting and a TON of laughing. We just can't help it when we get those women together. There's been many many times where we've been bent double, tears running down our cheeks, laughing so hard you can't hear any sound any more! And it's always about the silliest things. I love it. Next to my own little family, these are my favorite people in the world to be with.

I'm so ready for the break, too. This week I've just been getting more and more sick of keeping the house clean, cooking dinners, and keeping the peace between the children. My prayer for this weekend is that I actually get the refreshment I need so badly.

It'll be nice to not have anyone asking me 'how are you doing?' too. I get sick of telling everyone the same thing over and over! These people all know me and they know how everything's going, and they're not going to be checking every three seconds how I'm doing. Yay!

We leave in about an hour and a half! Can't wait. Hopefully the time we're gone goes nice and slow and we can savor every moment.

Two years.

Wow a lot has happened in 2 years. When I wrote in this last our baby was less than 6 months old. Now, she's more than 2 1/2. When I wrote in this last I had been through Hodgkin's once. Now it's twice.

This time around I did chemo, an autologous bone marrow transplant and a round of radiation, whereas last time I only did chemo. I actually lost all my hair this time, and spent 3 weeks in a hospital 3 hours from my children. It has not been what one would call a good year this past year. I hope and pray that this next year is better!

I hope to do more frequent blogging on here. I would love for there to be some sort of record of the life I've lived somewhere, and it turns out I'm a terrible journal keeper. But I am online quite a bit and maybe that will help me remember to add something to this every so often.

Our oldest daughter is in first grade, and I feel like that's her favorite part of her life right now. She definitely loves school. She likes her teacher, she likes the extra things she gets to do, she even likes her homework most of the time. She's getting to such a great stage where she understands mommy's jokes and likes to engage us in meaningful talks.

Our middle daughter is in threeschool. She loves that too. She asks every day if she's going to preschool today! She likes her teachers, and she gets good stimulation and she's learning how to get along with her peers. It's great! She's very nurturing and kind to her friends. She's also quite sensitive!

Our baby is 'the little queen.' She wants to get her way and will do anything to get it. We're working on teaching her to not hit or yell when her sisters have things she wants! But she's got such a great sense of humor and makes us all laugh.