I was thinking today about some of the things I've been through and what I thought about it, and wanted to give you some insights. I know I never know how to relate to someone who's been through a trauma I never have (heck, I have a hard time relating to people who've been through the same traumas I have), and maybe this will help someone understand some of what I'm feeling.
Recently I was attending an event with a lot of people coming and going, some from our church, some I'd never met before. I was sitting and chatting with some people when an older woman I didn't know turned around. She was someone I'd never met before, but because of what she said and what she made me think about, I'll never forget her face!
She turned right to me and asked, "are you the girl with the cancer?" After lots of probing questions over the years, I'm kind of used to people just knowing me without me knowing them. So I answered her as I try to answer most of the questions I get about treatments and such, as upbeat-ly as possible.
But after the encounter, I started thinking. To how many people am I 'the girl with cancer'? Am I okay with that? I'm torn about whether or not I am.
I think the selfish parts of me would rather live in obscurity than to have to be known in conjunction with the infamous 'C word'. I would rather go my own way than be looked at with pity.
Of course, on the other hand, the part of me that tries not to be selfish sees that there is much to be thankful for. I have my health back, for as long as God sees fit to grant it to me. And maybe, just maybe there's someone out there who has been affected by my story. I hope so.
Sorry this will be VERY long, but again, these are things I've thought about that I wanted to share.
My favorite memory from all this (amazing that there can be many bright spots in it all)... One day our pastor was speaking in church. He was talking about a daughter church of ours located in inner-city Atlanta, Georgia. Our church had just given them a gift, I think of computers or something. In return, they wanted to offer up prayers for something that needed lots of prayer in our church at that moment.
Our pastor said to them, "well, in our church right now there are three young families that are just going through hell. One or both parents in these families have cancer or major health issues. There are 9 (10? I'm not sure anymore) children represented in these families. They need prayers RIGHT NOW." And the other pastor said "Ok. Give me their names (and, I think he asked for pics...) and our congregation will pray for them by name."
Amazing!! Incredible!! I burst into tears right there. First, that wonderful request: we want to pray for your church to thank you. Then, that God brought us three families to our pastor's mind. Then, that they, who don't know us at all, would pray for us by name.
What really blows me away now, thinking about it, is that there are many, many other people who have done the same thing for us. They don't know us at all, and yet, when someone mentioned us to them, or asked them to pray for us, they dropped to their knees (literally or figuratively) and prayed for us. There are so many out there who are doing this for us, whether they know us or not.
I can't wait to thank them someday. I can't wait to personally thank every single one of you who's ever prayed for me or done something to help us through all this. I can't wait to celebrate our eternal bodies together, where the threat of cancer will never lurk.
For now, though, know this: I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Kevin does too. For me, say a thank you to everyone you've asked to pray for us. I know I can't reach all of them, but I hope you can help me. I really and truly am grateful for every word of prayer that's been said on our behalf.
