"How does that feel?"

"Weird, I tell ya, just weird."

That's a question and answer I've taken part in no less than 10 times over the last week. I've been a stay at home mom for over 6 1/2 years (holy cow! I'd forgotten how long it's been!) and I'm rarely seen without at least one tag-along. So as I've been running errands this week, (of course) on the days when I have no one to take with me, I've gotten that question a lot. "What's that like?" "How's that going?"

My answer of, "it's weird" is really the only answer I have right now. I'm not sure if I like it. I'm not sure, still, what I'll be doing with all my free time. I went shopping both days this week, for groceries and upcoming birthdays, but I obviously can't do that all the time. I've got an idea for an etsy shop rolling around in my head. I babysit. And really, I have C home 1/2 time still and all three of them on holidays, so working would be tough as daycare is expensive and so on and so forth. So I'm a week in and it's still weird. I have not yet found my new groove.

I believe motherhood is a high calling and up until now have had no qualms about staying at home. I had kids all day, every day, plenty to do keeping the house manageable, and all our activities to manage and get us all to. Recent events, however, have me questioning whether it's worth it for me to stay home. Should I be contributing in some way? Now, I don't have the kids home full time. Will everything else and going to volunteer at their schools keep me busy? Should I volunteer with some non-profits? Could I do enough with selling handmade things to do us any good? Should I be considering a part-time job? (*shudder*) All so confusing.

So I'm praying now that my path would be clear. I'm not sure it ever has been in the past, but maybe it will be this time. heh.