In a Book

Have you ever seen yourself in a book? It can happen, if your mind is open enough. I saw myself in a book tonight. I saw myself in a character who couldn't see herself in the book within this book. That doesn't even make sense. It's like Inception has invaded my blog post.

It can come up to you on the first page, slap you silly, make you not want to struggle through the rest of the pages. It can make you laugh, to see yourself through another's eyes, finally see some of those interesting quirks you didn't know you had. It can sneak up on you slowly, not even hitting you until the book has been finished for an hour and it's still eating away at you for some unknown reason. Then out of nowhere you know. That was you in those pages. Tonight, it hit me a while after I was done, and it made me sad. And weary.

You see, I know I am like the character in this book. I know I struggle with the things she doesn't even know she struggles with. But this book brought them front and center again, forcing me to confess them again, asking me to clean out those cobwebs again.

And I wonder if I'll ever move past this stage. God nudges me to look, to see where he's brought me so far, and to hear his promise again to keep changing me. But tonight I just feel tired. Like I'll never grow out of these selfish problems I have.

So please, Lord, keep pointing this mirror at my life. Please keep showing me myself and cutting out the parts that don't fit with being your child. I'm tired tonight Lord but I don't want to stop growing.