Week 6-Post #2

My husband and I discussed the priorities last night in what was a very good, very eye-opening conversation. I was a bit surprised at his choices in which priorities came first (for one thing, I expected meals to take a higher priority), but once he explained his reasoning behind it all it made perfect sense, and I admire his wisdom in the choices.

His priorities:

1. ALONE TIMES: He has an easier time relaxing and relating to us when he know he can 'get away from it all' without derailing life at home. For example, he appreciates the opportunity to go in a room by himself after a bad day to compose his thoughts and de-stress. He does not feel like he needs that kind of break every single day, but just knowing that the opportunity is there for the really bad days is important to his mental stress level. For us, the knowledge that I am willing to be home when he goes out with his friends, and he is willing to do the same for me, is also important.
2. CLEANING: Again, the normal stress of a  long workday is easier to work through at home when the house is not trashed day after day. He has absolutely no demands about it being spotless all the time, but reasonably clean is important. 
3. BUDGET: This one is important because of the fact that we don't make a ton of money. Budgeting our finances and saving wherever we can is important for our family.
4. MEALS: Comes next because while home cooking is nice, it isn't vital. He likes my cooking and enjoys that I pack him a lunch. So it is important, but not as much as the others. 
5. TIME MANAGEMENT: Aside from when he and talk about his schedule and the things we do in the evening, the things I do from this category happen largely when he is at work. As he has never had any issues with the way I manage my time and the girls', this gets low priority. Again, important, and I'm doing a fine job, but not vital.

SOME THOUGHTS: I pretty much completely agree with his choices and explanations. First, I've seen the difference giving him some time to himself can have. I also know the impact getting out and hanging out with his friends has on his stress levels, and therefore when there isn't anything else going on, and he wants to go, I try to make sure he can get out and do that sort of thing.

Second, to be totally honest, I was terrible at keeping the house clean when we first got married. I'm so glad I've gotten the determination to get it clean almost every day. I can tell the difference in myself, and in my husband now that I actually keep the house in reasonable order. 

Third, the budget is pretty much my area. I, for one thing, actually have the time to take care of it. For another thing, the way I organize is well suited for our budget, and somehow my brain is able to do the mental problem-solving that sometimes our budget takes.

Fourth, I've recently started packing him a lunch every day. Before, I figured he would pack one if he wanted it. With all the stuff on his plate it was getting forgotten at night, and he is getting up so early that there is no time for it in the morning. So now I just pack it as we're putting supper away at night. It's easy enough to just put the leftovers in their dishes in his lunch box and put it all in the fridge for him to grab every morning. Simple. Wish I had thought of that before.

Fifth, that category makes perfect sense in last place. I schedule most of our appointments for when he's at work anyway, so we can be home when he is as often as possible. So I can see why this wouldn't impact him as much as the others.

This was an excellent exercise. I found out just a couple areas that could be better taken care of, and he turned the tables and asked if there was anything I'd like that would help me in being able to take care of everything that gets done here. I thought back to the "5 Love Languages," and the fact that I respond best to being appreciated ("words of appreciation"). I asked him to simply notice and verbally acknowledge what gets done. Knowing that he sees that it takes a lot of work to run our house and that he recognizes what I do is very encouraging to me.