7 things in 7 years

Today is the 7th anniversary of the day I married the most incredible man I've ever met. In honor of that, I wanted to write something to show what I've learned about loving him. These are just a few. I wanted to write a list of 7 in honor of our seven years married, and these are the things that came to me first. So here you go. Enjoy.


7 Things I've learned in 7 years of marriage

*Disclaimer* Please know that in no way do I consider myself any kind of an expert. I am still learning how to love my husband, and he is still learning how to love me. And I look forward to learning more about him and loving him every day until 'death do us part.' These are just some things that I've picked up from the years I've spent learning about him, from some books I've read, from observing wise people in their marriages. And, it's in no particular order. The 'most important' isn't first, or last, because the 'most important' is going to be different for every marriage. And these are just tips. Just simple things that I've noticed make our relationship a little better, a little more loving. And they're all things I have to remind myself, or be reminded by God about, all the time. So take all this with a grain of salt. I just love learning about my own marriage and wanted to share some things I've learned.

1.When you're married, the other person's needs HAVE to come before your own. There is no 50/50 in marriage. You have to give 100%. Because, who's to say how much is 50%? You and your spouse are almost guaranteed to differ on that. So if one gives everything they have to the marriage, there is no question. They have devoted themselves fully and can't give any more.

2.When there is a disagreement, and you do some research or in some way find out you were in the wrong, have the guts, the humility, to admit the other person was right. I've discovered that even in the little things, such as a disagreement about where we saw something online, if I look it up and see I was wrong, it is much appreciated to say the simple words, “hey, look at that. I was wrong, and you were right!”

3.If you see something that needs to be done, do it. Who cares who left out the dirty dish? I'm headed to the kitchen, the dish is on my way there. I'm not going to strain anything picking it up. It doesn't prove anything to leave it out and hope the other person notices it eventually. In fact, in the long run it is a lot better for my pride (in the sense of lessening my pride) to take care of something FOR my spouse and do them a favor without expecting anything in return.

4.Show appreciation. All the time. If your spouse does something nice, even if it IS just taking care of a dirty dish, say “thank you.” Sometimes, all it takes to keep a happy marriage is to show that you see that the other person does things, even the things they're 'supposed' to do, and that you appreciate what they do.

5.Make it perfectly clear that you are just as attracted, if not MORE attracted, to your spouse as the day you met them. Simple words about how the person looks beautiful or handsome go a very long way. And then, as often as possible, use very strong words about this. Things like, 'gorgeous,' 'sexy,' 'incredible,' you know. That kind of thing. I'm sure you can figure it out. ;)

6.Pray for your spouse. Every day. As often as you think of it. Pray for things you know they're struggling with. Praise God for bringing this kind of love into your life. Pray for their walk with Christ. Pray for their parenting, if you have kids. Pray over their job, that it will be a happy, peaceful experience daily. And let your spouse know that you pray for them, every so often. It's very encouraging to know that the person closest to you brings you before the throne of God daily.

7.Say “I'm sorry” if you've done wrong. I don't care if it was as small as forgetting to put the toilet seat down, or as big as telling someone something you promised your spouse you'd keep secret. Or bigger! Or smaller. No matter what it was, if you've violated your spouse's trust, or done something that could hurt them, say sorry. It's so important that your spouse know that you value their feelings enough to care about it when you've hurt them. Not apologizing when you've done wrong tells your spouse that you don't care about how they feel. Too important to overlook.


Again, these are just things I've learned about loving my husband. They are all lessons I've had to learn, and I have to relearn ALL THE TIME. I get gentle and not so gentle reminders from God about this kind of stuff constantly. I'm still learning and growing, so this list is as much for me as it is for anyone who happens to read it.