Tentative

Recently my hubby lost his job in a surprising, un-foreseen, over all very, I guess, ODD turn of events. He does have a new job already again, so we are okay, just confused about the whole series of events.

We were talking about it just a couple nights ago. A thought struck me as we talked. We have been through a lot. I don't delude myself that we have the most tragic lives ever, but I have to admit we have been through a lot in our lives.

Anyway, my thought went something like this. Everything that has gone on, especially the surprising, unexpected nature of everything, has made me a bit tentative about stepping into the future.  With this whole job thing I've had to consciously take my thoughts and hand them over to God. I've had to make myself think about the fact that God has us in his hands and he is bringing us to where he wants us to be.

But even as I think these things, I am nervous. I look ahead and I think, wow. Look at all he's allowed to happen in our lives thus far. What's he going to allow to happen in the future? And it kinda scares me. I realize that doesn't fit neatly into the 'I trust God' mold that we Christians are all supposed to have. I'm supposed to say I trust him in all this and I'm happy to go wherever he leads. But sometimes I'm not. Sometimes I just want to be able to stay in one place, going about my business, living comfortably where we are. 


I know we'll look back and think about how blessed we are to have lived this life. And I already see a lot of beauty in what God has brought us through. We have three gorgeous girls, and a strong, happy marriage. I hope we have touched some people along the way. But where I stand now, I am very tentative about looking into the future. It seems to have been one surprise after another, with scarcely a year in there since I turned 17 that didn't have something scary or unfortunate happen in it. We have a running list! :D It's made me a bit gun-shy. Can you blame me? Am I being melodramatic?